Itachi tried not to take it as symbolic as Shisui burned Ashiko's face away. Shisui was efficient. She wouldn't suffer. Itachi looked at his dangling feet an considered his Shisui's question. There wasn't a dramatic, neat answer. It wasn't one thing. If it had been, maybe it wouldn't have bothered Itachi very much, He'd never liked killing. He would rather spar with a friend than go through a fight where he had to kill people. He specialized in incapacitating his opponents, usually. He could be messy and brutal as anyone, but if he had a choice, he could choose something quick and quiet. He could have done that easily with Ashiko. He could have poisoned her or snapped her neck. She never would have known.
Itachi breathed out. He could list the factors, small and large, that he thought had stayed his hand. None of them would be reason enough. Most of them were not even good reasons. "I got too familiar with her." He'd made her a habit and people like things they were used to. He should have held back more. He should have gravely offended her at some point so that she would avoid him. Itachi shook his head.
"I let myself think it didn't matter, because the person she knew wasn't real anyway, so why did it matter if she became friends with him? She had some good information on the area," Itachi paused. "I was stupid. I got involved, and then like a green genin, I let emotion get in the way of doing my job because I admired her." Was that the right word? he held her in respect, but he had respected several men he had killed without thought.
He hadn't really answered the question, had he? What was stopping him? Just liking and admiring this girl? Was this the start of a bigger problem? A reluctance to do the dirty work he'd always accepted as his dirty to keep others clean and safe?
no subject
Itachi tried not to take it as symbolic as Shisui burned Ashiko's face away. Shisui was efficient. She wouldn't suffer. Itachi looked at his dangling feet an considered his Shisui's question. There wasn't a dramatic, neat answer. It wasn't one thing. If it had been, maybe it wouldn't have bothered Itachi very much, He'd never liked killing. He would rather spar with a friend than go through a fight where he had to kill people. He specialized in incapacitating his opponents, usually. He could be messy and brutal as anyone, but if he had a choice, he could choose something quick and quiet. He could have done that easily with Ashiko. He could have poisoned her or snapped her neck. She never would have known.
Itachi breathed out. He could list the factors, small and large, that he thought had stayed his hand. None of them would be reason enough. Most of them were not even good reasons. "I got too familiar with her." He'd made her a habit and people like things they were used to. He should have held back more. He should have gravely offended her at some point so that she would avoid him. Itachi shook his head.
"I let myself think it didn't matter, because the person she knew wasn't real anyway, so why did it matter if she became friends with him? She had some good information on the area," Itachi paused. "I was stupid. I got involved, and then like a green genin, I let emotion get in the way of doing my job because I admired her." Was that the right word? he held her in respect, but he had respected several men he had killed without thought.
He hadn't really answered the question, had he? What was stopping him? Just liking and admiring this girl? Was this the start of a bigger problem? A reluctance to do the dirty work he'd always accepted as his dirty to keep others clean and safe?
"I don't really know," Itachi admitted.