Those lectures...those expectations, everything he'd been told, and taught, and expected as a whole. That was the problem. Because he received them early on, if not in the form of lectures, life lessons. That his own personal desires did not override those of the clan. That he was heir, this was his responsibility, this was expected of him and he would be an utter failure if he did not live up to them.

That's why, despite being talented, a genius, a natural and rare prodigy, he was still afraid of disappointment. He had such high standards to live up to, and being talented made it worse. Because when you had the ability and talent and you still failed, it cut deep.

He didn't mean to be entirely selfish. He would still serve his clan, his village, his rank as a spy, he simply wanted out of the position of heir, because he might do well enough eventually but he didn't want it.

That one thing is enough to make him feel guilty, along with the momentary silence. A guilt that isn't new, that his personal desires are things to be ashamed of, because he should always be putting others, people; systems, above him. The desire to take his words back persists, trying to leave his lips.

I don't want to do this had never been a listed option before.

The words take a few seconds to sink in. And in his apprehensiveness, he almost misses their actual meaning.

He knew he wouldn't get out of this without disappointing some people. It was a given. How much he disappointed them, how much they came to resent him, depended on how the situation was handled, and he'd run multiple situations in his mind. In some, he was disowned, and chased out. Some went better. None went quite like this.

He quickly bows his head, understanding in those important few seconds.

"Perhaps it is." comes the answer, just barely managing to keep his voice from wavering, but the thickness could be noted.