sunshineverse | [Closed] Father and Son Discussion

Fugaku was aware of Itachi's footsteps through the house. The old floors sang when people walked on them, and Fugaku knew the steady tread of Itachi's feet. He assumed his eldest was on his way out, off on another mission or some other duty that would take him away from home for months. Fugaku was only vaguely aware of the sound, in a back corner of his mind dedicated to hyper vigilance.

Fugaku was buried in paperwork, trying figure out what the hell the accountants were wailing about now. He was starting to think that working with numbers all day rotted people's brains and turned them into alarmist, nervous wrecks.

It took Fugaku a moments to realize Itachi had stopped at his door. Fugaku looked up, surprise only showing in the slight raising of brows, which could be a polite question in most people.

"You can come in, Itachi,"Fugaku said.

He stands. Methodically, practiced, ignoring the slight complaint in the balls of his feet as he stands without having to place his palms on the floor first. Most of this is muscle memory, reaching out to lightly place his fingers in the indention of the door, sliding it open quietly, yet not lagging, and sliding it shut behind him with his opposite hand once he is inside.

His previous position is resumed, knees on the ground tucked together, feet behind him, palms on his thighs, head bowed for a moment as he shows his respect not only for his Father, but for the head of his clan.

"I've a request to make, Father." he isn't going to try to drag this out.

Fugaku didn't think he could claim to have casual conversations with his chdilren. Absent, maybe, but never casual after they turned five-younger for Itachi, but Itachi had never been a child for idle chatter.

Fugaku couldn't remember the last time Itachi had "made a request. he set his pen aside and pushed the clamoring background noise of numbers and tasks he had yet to finish in his head. He turned his full attention on his eldest child--son. Itachi hadn't been a child in years.

Fugaku nodded. It must be important to Itachi if he had made the time to come and see Fugaku. "I see."

"I wish to be freed from the position and responsibilities of clan heir. It is likely not an unexpected proposition. I have a partner, and I'd like to be able to be with him."

He makes eye-contact.

And he keeps it.

It is not his usual tact-- straightforward requests like this aren't his style. But he knows if he tried to ease into it, it might show he was hesitant, and unsure, and his own mind might work against him and convince him it wasn't in his bests interests to come to such a decision.

Now it is out there, and he awaits, in silence, and maintained eye contact.

Fugaku kept Itachi's gaze.

Honestly, he wished he could say he was more surprised by this. He'd known for years now that Itachi wasn't as...invested in his clan as Fugaku had been at his age. He'd actually been meaning to sit Itachi down and talk to him about his blatant shirking of clan duties and disrespect for his position of heir, but this dissolved all reasons for that. It came as a bit of a relief, because a reluctant clan heir wouldn't do anyone any favors, but at the same time, it couldn't be anything but a disappointment. It wasn't so much disappointment with Itachi (there was a little of that) as disappointment with himself that he'd done something so wrong with his first son that he didn't want to lead his clan. Certainly it could be as pleasant as torture sometimes, but Fugaku had always loved his clan.

Wanted to burn some of them alive at times, but loved them still.

More surprising was Itachi's mention of a partner.

A partner.

Male.

Fugaku had decided another one of Itachi's idiosyncrasies was his total lack of interest in either sex, so to know that his son had a partner he wanted to abdicate to be with was something of a shock--not that it showed on Fugaku's face as he took a breath and spoke again.

"If you're abdicating solely based on your desire to be with your partner, there's no need for that." Fugaku doubted that, but he wanted to hear Itachi's reasoning himself. Also, unless Fugaku had missed one of Itachi's friends, Fuagku had a very short list of who this "partner" might be.

He refuses to shirk, eyes locked with his Father. But there is no animosity here, just a refusal to think himself into backing down, and apologizing for having a desire outside his clan. He can't do that this time. He's done it long enough, he thinks.

The only time closes his eyes is to gently shake his head no. He's got more than that, and faces him once more.

"The position was never one I desired, but one that I accepted due to where I stand within the clan, and the expectations of me. I would find it more fitting that our clan be ruled by a member who not only had the skills and knowledge required, but wholeheartedly desired to lead it." Blood was the only thing that gave Itachi this position.

He awaits.

Fugaku sat back a little, tension leaving his spine as he leaned forward a little. Emotionally, this might be a relief, but logistically, this was a nightmare. Of course he would have to offer the position to Sasuke next, but is Sasuke didn't want it?

And Itachi did know something of the inner workings of the clan by now, so training a new heir would be mostly from scratch. Fugaku could forget retiring any time soon, not that he was planning on it, but it seemed like something he should complain about now. Fugaku resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. He should be glad his son had brought this up himself. At least he hadn't waited another five years. Fugaku almost got up and pulled out his sake stash, but that might send the wrong message. Anyway, he was supposed to drink less. And work less. He and Mikoto could have a drink later.

Fugaku wouldn't ask if Itachi had a replacement in mind. He didn't think Itachi knew any of the Uchiha his age well enough to discern who would be a good leader.

"I only request you remain heir on paper until your successor is found to avoid any..." Riots. Awakening of nasty political agendas. Or, rather, a re-awakening. Or stupid suggestions on how to best choose the next heir. "Unpleasantness. It will also allow you and your....partner some peace. For a time." Fugaku weighted the word partner and waited to see if Itachi would supply a name.

"Understood." Now is when his gaze shifts, just slightly. He's been vague, wanting to wait for Fugaku's overall reaction before revealing his partner.

"It's Iruka." So it wasn't a complete stranger he was going with. Someone who'd known the family for years, and that they already trusted a fair bit.

Ah. Iruka had been high on Fugaku's list. Discounting his experience with Iruka as Itachi's former teammate, Fugaku dealt with the man a good bit due to his teaching position. At the very least Iruka was loyal to Konoha and not likely to cause a scandal with ridiculous behavior.

Fugaku looked at Itachi closely. "Was this, perhaps, Iruka's idea?" It seemed as though something had to have spurred Itachi into bringing up this subject.

"I've thought about this for a few years. Iruka was simply... he suggested I go through with it to avoid further talk of having the pressure of taking a wife." So that nothing would actually try to split them up.

Of course, the blame wouldn't be on those other parties...they worked under the assumption that Itachi was in no such relationship. So the fault lay on him alone for not revealing as such.

Which is why he had to take care of it, as well as stepping out of a position he never wanted.

Now Fugaku's expression changed. His perpetual frown deepened a fraction.

"And, in these years, you didn't consider voicing your reservations?" So Fugaku could, maybe, start training someone else? So he could possibly retired before he hit eighty?

So he could know his heir didn't want to be heir and stop trying to shove Itachi into a mold he would not and did not want to fit.

Now is when he bowed his head, because this is also nothing but his own fault.

"I did not want to disappoint, and had simply tried to accept what would be my fate." Fugaku never...really gave off the vibe that he would allow him to step down, whether Itachi had a partner or no.

But he knew he couldn't do this without Fugaku feeling some measure of disappointment, and it's enough for his mind to start circling, telling him to backtrack. He didn't want to disappoint him, not like this...

His hand almost fists, but he manages to catch it at slight shaking. More than enough for Father to notice, though.

"I never felt I had a choice." It's almost quiet; forced. Something he needed to say but didn't want to.

He keeps his head bowed.

There was a lecture here on personal responsibility. On how the clan as a whole was more important that Itachi's ego. There was a lecture on selflessness, and how that was a vital quality of a shinobi and more than that a clan head. Itachi had enough self awareness to know he didn't want this, and the situation that would have arisen if he'd taken up the position as clan head and resented his clan for it....

Fugaku breathed instead. He looked at his eldest son, the prodigy, the genius. The one who had set the bar so high Sasuke had looked at a glance so inadequate. Fugaku wondered if he had instilled this feeling of inadequacy in Itachi despite his massive accomplishments, or if this were some basic part of human nature--the need for validation and the perpetual feeling of not being good enough.

It made Fugaku feel tired. Softly sad at the corners, and he had a feeling if he knew Itachi better, then maybe Itachi would have felt more comfortable voicing his doubts. Maybe there wouldn't have been any doubts, and Itachi would have felt more at home with his clan.

But maybe not. Itachi had always been an odd child.

If Itachi has been younger, Fugaku might have put a hand on his head, or touched his hand, but the gap was too great there now. Instead he leaned on his table, bringing himself close to Itachi, studying the lines of body. Children really did grow up to fast, leaving parents to think of all the things they wished they had done.

"Maybe it's time you disappointed someone." Maybe it was time they all, Konoha, the clan, Fugaku, stopped laying these burdens on Itachi's shoulders and simply assuming he would and could carry the weight.

Those lectures...those expectations, everything he'd been told, and taught, and expected as a whole. That was the problem. Because he received them early on, if not in the form of lectures, life lessons. That his own personal desires did not override those of the clan. That he was heir, this was his responsibility, this was expected of him and he would be an utter failure if he did not live up to them.

That's why, despite being talented, a genius, a natural and rare prodigy, he was still afraid of disappointment. He had such high standards to live up to, and being talented made it worse. Because when you had the ability and talent and you still failed, it cut deep.

He didn't mean to be entirely selfish. He would still serve his clan, his village, his rank as a spy, he simply wanted out of the position of heir, because he might do well enough eventually but he didn't want it.

That one thing is enough to make him feel guilty, along with the momentary silence. A guilt that isn't new, that his personal desires are things to be ashamed of, because he should always be putting others, people; systems, above him. The desire to take his words back persists, trying to leave his lips.

I don't want to do this had never been a listed option before.

The words take a few seconds to sink in. And in his apprehensiveness, he almost misses their actual meaning.

He knew he wouldn't get out of this without disappointing some people. It was a given. How much he disappointed them, how much they came to resent him, depended on how the situation was handled, and he'd run multiple situations in his mind. In some, he was disowned, and chased out. Some went better. None went quite like this.

He quickly bows his head, understanding in those important few seconds.

"Perhaps it is." comes the answer, just barely managing to keep his voice from wavering, but the thickness could be noted.

Fugaku watched Itachi's bowed head. When Fugaku had been told--and he had been told explicitly--that he wasn't good enough, it had made him fight. Then again, as someone had said to him, he was a pig-headed idiot. AS far as Fugaku could tell, neither Itachi or Sasuke had inherited Fugaku's temper or willfulness. They were almost biddable. Itachi suddenly seemed much younger than he was, and as Itachi had always before seemed so much older, it was disconcerting.

And, perhaps, all these years, Itachi had not been so much careful as gentle.

"If you're going to move out, you should set up a day to come a have supper with your mother. Relieved of your duties as heir, it should be easier to find time for that," Fugaku added. Itachi could abdicate, but he would still be Mikoto and Fuagku's child.

He nods, bowing his head further in the process. He is still busy with shinobi work, especially Intel, but this will free up some time, and relieve him of a lot of pressure that he was used to suppressing.

"I shall." That is his promise. Heir he might not be, but blood still connected them. This was him being told that he was still their son, still accepted and wanted.

Far more than he wished for.

"I will continue to bear the fan, if that is no wish." He'd no desire to stop wearing it, bit if Fugaku willed it so, it would happen.

[Closed] Father and Son Discussion

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