[Closed] Father and Son Discussion

[uchihasavior]

Who: Fugaku and Itachi
What: Itachi has a discussion with his Father he's meant to have for years.
When: February 26th, mid afternoon.
Where: Uchiha compound.

His footsteps seemed a little sharp and loud on the floorboards of the compound, Itachi headed down a very familiar path, knowing where to turn, and which door he needed to stop at. Per custom, he settled on his knees, feet behind him, hands on his legs, waiting to be acknowledged by his Father.  
 

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[disgruntledmountain]

Now Fugaku's expression changed. His perpetual frown deepened a fraction.

"And, in these years, you didn't consider voicing your reservations?" So Fugaku could, maybe, start training someone else? So he could possibly retired before he hit eighty?

So he could know his heir didn't want to be heir and stop trying to shove Itachi into a mold he would not and did not want to fit.

[uchihasavior]

Now is when he bowed his head, because this is also nothing but his own fault.

"I did not want to disappoint, and had simply tried to accept what would be my fate." Fugaku never...really gave off the vibe that he would allow him to step down, whether Itachi had a partner or no.

But he knew he couldn't do this without Fugaku feeling some measure of disappointment, and it's enough for his mind to start circling, telling him to backtrack. He didn't want to disappoint him, not like this...

His hand almost fists, but he manages to catch it at slight shaking. More than enough for Father to notice, though.

"I never felt I had a choice." It's almost quiet; forced. Something he needed to say but didn't want to.

He keeps his head bowed.

[disgruntledmountain]

There was a lecture here on personal responsibility. On how the clan as a whole was more important that Itachi's ego. There was a lecture on selflessness, and how that was a vital quality of a shinobi and more than that a clan head. Itachi had enough self awareness to know he didn't want this, and the situation that would have arisen if he'd taken up the position as clan head and resented his clan for it....

Fugaku breathed instead. He looked at his eldest son, the prodigy, the genius. The one who had set the bar so high Sasuke had looked at a glance so inadequate. Fugaku wondered if he had instilled this feeling of inadequacy in Itachi despite his massive accomplishments, or if this were some basic part of human nature--the need for validation and the perpetual feeling of not being good enough.

It made Fugaku feel tired. Softly sad at the corners, and he had a feeling if he knew Itachi better, then maybe Itachi would have felt more comfortable voicing his doubts. Maybe there wouldn't have been any doubts, and Itachi would have felt more at home with his clan.

But maybe not. Itachi had always been an odd child.

If Itachi has been younger, Fugaku might have put a hand on his head, or touched his hand, but the gap was too great there now. Instead he leaned on his table, bringing himself close to Itachi, studying the lines of body. Children really did grow up to fast, leaving parents to think of all the things they wished they had done.

"Maybe it's time you disappointed someone." Maybe it was time they all, Konoha, the clan, Fugaku, stopped laying these burdens on Itachi's shoulders and simply assuming he would and could carry the weight.

[uchihasavior]

Those lectures...those expectations, everything he'd been told, and taught, and expected as a whole. That was the problem. Because he received them early on, if not in the form of lectures, life lessons. That his own personal desires did not override those of the clan. That he was heir, this was his responsibility, this was expected of him and he would be an utter failure if he did not live up to them.

That's why, despite being talented, a genius, a natural and rare prodigy, he was still afraid of disappointment. He had such high standards to live up to, and being talented made it worse. Because when you had the ability and talent and you still failed, it cut deep.

He didn't mean to be entirely selfish. He would still serve his clan, his village, his rank as a spy, he simply wanted out of the position of heir, because he might do well enough eventually but he didn't want it.

That one thing is enough to make him feel guilty, along with the momentary silence. A guilt that isn't new, that his personal desires are things to be ashamed of, because he should always be putting others, people; systems, above him. The desire to take his words back persists, trying to leave his lips.

I don't want to do this had never been a listed option before.

The words take a few seconds to sink in. And in his apprehensiveness, he almost misses their actual meaning.

He knew he wouldn't get out of this without disappointing some people. It was a given. How much he disappointed them, how much they came to resent him, depended on how the situation was handled, and he'd run multiple situations in his mind. In some, he was disowned, and chased out. Some went better. None went quite like this.

He quickly bows his head, understanding in those important few seconds.

"Perhaps it is." comes the answer, just barely managing to keep his voice from wavering, but the thickness could be noted.

[disgruntledmountain]

Fugaku watched Itachi's bowed head. When Fugaku had been told--and he had been told explicitly--that he wasn't good enough, it had made him fight. Then again, as someone had said to him, he was a pig-headed idiot. AS far as Fugaku could tell, neither Itachi or Sasuke had inherited Fugaku's temper or willfulness. They were almost biddable. Itachi suddenly seemed much younger than he was, and as Itachi had always before seemed so much older, it was disconcerting.

And, perhaps, all these years, Itachi had not been so much careful as gentle.

"If you're going to move out, you should set up a day to come a have supper with your mother. Relieved of your duties as heir, it should be easier to find time for that," Fugaku added. Itachi could abdicate, but he would still be Mikoto and Fuagku's child.

[uchihasavior]

He nods, bowing his head further in the process. He is still busy with shinobi work, especially Intel, but this will free up some time, and relieve him of a lot of pressure that he was used to suppressing.

"I shall." That is his promise. Heir he might not be, but blood still connected them. This was him being told that he was still their son, still accepted and wanted.

Far more than he wished for.

"I will continue to bear the fan, if that is no wish." He'd no desire to stop wearing it, bit if Fugaku willed it so, it would happen.