Hatake Kakashi (
scarecrowboy) wrote in
sunshineverse2014-10-09 11:36 pm
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Entry tags:
[Closed] I've had all I can take.
Who: Kakashi Hatake & Yamato. (Once the fight is over anyone can jump in and feel free to see them/witness the carnage or whatever. I'll make a separate comment thread when that comes about, probably.)
When: September 16.
Where: Konoha, outside Hokage Tower and then to a training ground after they've finished lowering everyone's opinion of 'capable' shinobi.
What: Kakashi has been brooding for a while now, and it's all coming to a head.
It had been the first time in his life he'd ever asked for a vacation, for a break, for a pat on the shoulder and a 'don't worry about it, Kakashi, take as long as you need'. He didn't ask for much, though he supposed a break after a few weeks of little to no mission-action was a bit of a strange ask, but since it was his first request for time off in all his years of being a shinobi, he didn't think there would be much of a problem. He probably deserved it after only ever being forced into medical leave in the past.
He'd trailed all the way up to the Hokage's Office with his paperwork that he'd avoided handing in for the past few weeks, and his excuses laid out straight and clear - a harmless visit to Uzushio to check up with his secret student and her newly acquired ninken. Obito just had to stamp and sign a goddamn scroll and everything would have been fine, but no. Upon entering the room his friend had greeted him, but when Kakashi's question aired the man had looked up at him, wilted horribly and told him that he'd only just got back from spending a month there, did he really want to go back already?
God damn it.
He could see the man was visibly crushed, could see the hesitance and the sadness in his eyes, like a kicked puppy.
Kakashi's heart had ached seeing that, and had left on a whip crack reflex, body flickering out of the tower in a puff of smoke.
The more he thought about it though, the more he couldn't stand the idea that Obito had used his weakness against him, and as he descended the stairs from the levels of the tower toward the ground floor... he only got angrier.
When: September 16.
Where: Konoha, outside Hokage Tower and then to a training ground after they've finished lowering everyone's opinion of 'capable' shinobi.
What: Kakashi has been brooding for a while now, and it's all coming to a head.
It had been the first time in his life he'd ever asked for a vacation, for a break, for a pat on the shoulder and a 'don't worry about it, Kakashi, take as long as you need'. He didn't ask for much, though he supposed a break after a few weeks of little to no mission-action was a bit of a strange ask, but since it was his first request for time off in all his years of being a shinobi, he didn't think there would be much of a problem. He probably deserved it after only ever being forced into medical leave in the past.
He'd trailed all the way up to the Hokage's Office with his paperwork that he'd avoided handing in for the past few weeks, and his excuses laid out straight and clear - a harmless visit to Uzushio to check up with his secret student and her newly acquired ninken. Obito just had to stamp and sign a goddamn scroll and everything would have been fine, but no. Upon entering the room his friend had greeted him, but when Kakashi's question aired the man had looked up at him, wilted horribly and told him that he'd only just got back from spending a month there, did he really want to go back already?
God damn it.
He could see the man was visibly crushed, could see the hesitance and the sadness in his eyes, like a kicked puppy.
Kakashi's heart had ached seeing that, and had left on a whip crack reflex, body flickering out of the tower in a puff of smoke.
The more he thought about it though, the more he couldn't stand the idea that Obito had used his weakness against him, and as he descended the stairs from the levels of the tower toward the ground floor... he only got angrier.
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It wasn't fighting back, though... and Kakashi knew Yamato was capable enough, better than anyone else. That's why he followed.
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The thrill of doing this again had adrenalin rushing through his system and the smug tilt of his mouth wasn't just all an act.
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Yamato closed the space between them, falling into old patterns and a flurry of blows that he knew would be met in kind.
"This is what you wanted wasn't it?"
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He met the blows with well timed blocks, retaliating with his own and a growl - but not one of frustration, one of effort. He wasn't holding back.
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He stepped back, giving ground but not by much and used the space to kick mulishly at Kakashi.
"Don't think I missed the hint. 'We should sparr sometime', really? You're not fooling anyone, Kakashi."
Yamato spat the words around even breathing, anger rising at how casual the other man had been, probing for a privilege he'd long ago abandoned.
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"I wasn't trying to fool anyone." he hissed as he firmed his fists again. "I suggested it, and I didn't hear you complaining. Your tail started wagging as soon as senpai took notice of you."
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"You bastard. How dare you use that against me! After what you did? you're lucky I didn't sucker punch you the day I was assigned village side!"
Chakra burned through him and Yamato dropped to slap both hands to the ground. Gnarled branches erupted around him, shooting forward to grasp and maim.
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Moments later his reaching hand erupted from the ground, snagging Yamato's ankle and wrenching him down to switch their places and trap the other man in the earth.
"Oh I am? So while you were going to dinner with me, that was me being lucky? Not you just indulging yourself?" he hissed as he sprang away on lithe feet.
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The actual Yamato appeared at the tree line closest to them, reforming behind Kakashi's back and furiously forming hand signs.
"Oh! Excuse the hell out of me for actually, you know, missing you. 'See you tomorrow, Tenzou.' Those were your last words to me! Then five years of nothing, Kakashi."
Jutsu complete, the ground cracked and rumbled around them, crumbling under Kakashi feet and spreading with the force of Yamato's chakra and anger.
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"You're actually blaming me for that?!" Kakashi roared, hardly thinking as he gripped his right forearm with his left hand, white blue light instantly erupting from his palm with the piercing sound of screaming birds. "Do you have any idea what had just happened to me, Tenzou?!" He didn't strike, not yet. It was more a threat than anything.
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"Of course I do. No thanks to you! I broke in and read the report, cover to cover. I risked treason to find out!"
He ignored the threat of lightning wreathing Kakashi's hand, more than prepared to meet that particular attack head on and focused on the long buried hurt that was fighting it's way to the surface.
"Not knowing practically killed me."
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"You read it?!" he screamed, running at Yamato with his hand raised. He could just see it now... Tenzou reading every detail of how Kakashi had failed to protect those closest to him, failed as a captain and as a teammate. Had he lost respect for him that day? Had he told his subordinates, made iron whip Kakashi out to be a weak link? His fury turned inwards. He'd let Tenzou down too that day.
His anger was still flaring at the thought that Tenzou would rather read a file than talk to him; would rather break the law than find him and battle the truth out of him. Maybe that would have helped him open up, maybe that would have helped ease the pain but /no/. Tenzou didn't follow him, Tenzou didn't stick by him and didn't persevere after he saw Kakashi's walls go up.
With his free hand, Kakashi shifted his headband up, revealing the spinning scarlet wheel that was his gifted eye as he came close and lunged to strike the other man's middle.
"It wasn't your place to read it!"
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Yamato rolled away with the force of the hit and back up to his feet, panting for breath.
"There was no other way! I couldn't go to you, I was a reminder of everything you wanted to forget and everyone else was dead! So I found out on my own and stayed away, just like you wanted!"
That message had been loud and clear. Yamato hadn't been what Kakashi had been looking for to comfort him and the thought of being a grim spectre of that mission, the thought of going to his Senpai and then being rejected or ignored, had been too much to bear.
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When Yamato struck at his back the blow took harsh contact against his shoulder blade and he fell, dropping forwards into a roll only to spin around with his hand braced on the floor. His chidori had splintered and charred the walls Yamato had shielded himself with, and with the lack of concentration the jutsu had disappeared too.
Yamato's words stopped Kakashi mid consideration for his next move, and his glare tightened, darkened.
"A reminder of what I wanted to forget?" he repeated, offended and angry. "Where the hell did you get that idea? I just didn't want you to look at me the same way everyone else did - I didn't want to see you feel sorry for me!" he spat as he darted forwards, aiming for Yamato's face with his fists, using all his quick precision and speed to land his attacks successfully - and then he didn't stop.
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His taijutsu had improved over the past months; training with Neji having been a great boon, but he still stumbled against the ferocity of each attack, gasping and flinching at the strikes that found their marks.
He made contact with a few of his own, underhanded jabs and kicks finding their way around Kakashi's own defence and awarding Yamato enough breath to force words out.
"Give me at least some credit, Kakashi. Everything we weathered together and you thought I would pity you?! Did you pay any attention to my personality at all?"
Everything hurt. His heart and body throbbing in time with his pulse and the anger burning through him and Yamato struck out viciously, targeting weak points that were usually off limits during their sparrs.
"I wanted to go to you, wanted so badly to have you back, but you left without a god damn word and Obito said you were happy. That getting out was what you needed, that it was helping and I couldn't ruin that!"
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"Obito said what...?" he asked, anger suddenly gone only to be replaced by a dumb kind of confusion.
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"That you were happy village side, that it was healing you, helping you in ways that I- that ANBU couldn't."
Yamato spat the words, long buried memories, suddenly fresh and raw in his mind again and unable to mask how it had affected him any longer.
"But nothing's changed! Five years and you still can't talk to him and I'm still the whipping boy for the anger you're too cowardly to take out on him in the first place!"
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It broke him a little, right there and then on the training ground... It wasn't anything drastic, but a tiny crack splintered in once mended wounds, and the feeling was raw and painful.
The sharp, clean pain soon turned to white hot fury, however, when Yamato spoke again. He charged forward before he could think, his quick speed acting on his side as he jarred the brunt of his heel straight into Yamato's chest.
"I am not afraid of him."
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"Oh? So you haven't made yourself into a walking security risk with the two people closest to you? And that definitely hasn't happened because you're so guilt ridden you'll agree to anything to keep them happy, despite your own feelings?!"
Yamato tore at his hair, remembering just how uncomfortable Kakashi had been the night before, how drunk he'd been, in public no less and threw it all back in the other man's face.
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"My private life is nothing to do with you!" he hissed, but the words were empty. Their private life had been made the business of everyone in that bar, of everyone in the village through whatever means, and Kakashi hadn't dwelt on it before because he knew that it was probably partially - if not mostly - the fault of his weak will around their Hokage.
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"Private life? Don't make me laugh, Kakashi. The whole village knows! You couldn't have made this more obvious if you'd carved it into Hokage Mountain!"
Blood had spilt down his chin but Yamato ignored it, Kunai flickering between them as his anger pushed him forward to attack.
"But you've sure changed your tune. Guess my invitation to the Hatake inner circle has finally run out, huh?"
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His kunai flickered in the sunlight as he returned the attack, meeting Yamato's kunai with a clink! of metal on metal.
The words only made him angrier, but he knew he was right. Yamato had every right to be upset, especially when what Kakashi was doing was so foolish. He hadn't been thinking; he'd blindly accepted something without working out all the kinks, without deliberating, without being honest and not only had it potentially ruined his relationship with his closest friends... but it might have cost him his reputation and put more them all in danger. It was stupid and he felt guilty and uncomfortable dwelling on it, so he didn't, and fought back against Yamato's accusations with a vicious snarl.
"Don't be so childish," Kakashi hissed nastily as his kunai came dangerously close to impaling Yamato's shoulder, acidity oozing from the last word with all the hatred he felt for those kind of actions. "You should know better."
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The figures and notes he'd left every year, had taken no small amount of courage and they still gave Yamato pause, unsure if they were too much. At first, Kakashi's replies had given him hope, but now, in his anger, they felt as hollow as the comments inscribed on them and he lashed out fiercely.
He became reckless in his defence, uniform and skin splitting open as they clashed.
"I questioned everything after you left, even my captaincy! It took me years to feel like I deserved it, like I wasn't just the great 'Silver Fangs', shoddy replacement!"
It slipped out, easy and bitter as bile and Yamato struck, indiscriminately for Kakashi's throat and spat out the final barb that tore at him.
"Because no one could replace you and everyone knew it!"
The fact that he was no longer talking about ANBU, was beaten back by rage and ignored.
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Despite all that.. the words /hurt/. The way Yamato looked at him, implored with him, seethed at him - it was almost too much to take and where he would have usually felt a deep throng of sadness wrack his frame, this time Kakashi only felt anger. The last thing he needed right now was a constant and reliable friend like Yamato suddenly upending all their unspoken laws and habits. The rug was firmly tugged from under his feet, and his rage was all Kakashi had left to keep himself upright.
"Maybe you should stop depending on me so much!" Kakashi spat, jerking his leg forwards to push the other man away from him while he backed off to check on the nicks and cuts on his arms and hands. "If you had a little faith in yourself maybe you wouldn't need to rely on someone like me to hold you up! I'm not a good choice and I'm definitely not worth all that! I don't understand why you people keep leaning on me, expecting me to hold you up when I have no idea how to hold myself up!" It was unclear, not for the first time in their long history of fights, who exactly he was talking to, or about.
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