[Closed] Take this burden away from me.

[scarecrowboy]

Who: Kakashi Hatake & Obito Uchiha.
When: September 20.
Where: Kakashi's apartment.
What: Kakashi is home after a short hospital stay and welcomes the quiet... Till it's broken by an unsuspected guest.

Kakashi had been out of the hospital since the previous afternoon, and whether it was cognitive or not he was already feeling much better than he had been while cooped up in bed. He had regained all his motor skills, and despite having to lean slightly on some surfaces to get around, he was for the most part completely healed; his side was still bandaged in a large padded dressing to cushion the bruising and scar beneath it, so Kakashi had donned himself in a robe and a face mask and was pottering about looking for something to eat.

It had been incredibly quiet the past few days. Since his birthday and the explosive heart to heart that had followed Kakashi had found his time in the hospital to be rather.. lonely. Usually he'd expect a visitor to amble their way in at some point, but not even Yamato had come to see him after the first day.. he'd wandered around looking for him, but the nurses seemed incredibly possessive of any details and had ushered him back to bed in moments.

He supposed the one positive about the quiet time he'd had was that it was a welcome break, and it allowed him chance enough to truly figure out what he wanted to do next - to strategize and plan out the looming conversations he would inevitably have to have some day soon... But those could wait for now, and he turned as the water boiled hot, whistling high that it was time to make a pot of tea.

Comments

[thebestuchiha]

Obito had made his way through the apartment, making sure to use his abilities instead of disarming traps or opening doors, not really wanting to alert the man to the fact that he was there until he came into sight of the man, examining him carefully from the wall behind him. He was totally prepared to dodge any startled kunai that might come his direction.

"You put enough in there for at least two cups?"

[scarecrowboy]

Kakashi had sensed a faint chakra signature as he'd poured over the counter top, but the voice was nonetheless a surprise, and he turned to regard the visage of his friend with a kind of suspicious look. Obito was never one for polite invitations, but this invasion of privacy was a little more invading than his usual tactic. Something was up.

"Of course," he muttered as he reached for another cup to fill. "To what do I owe this honor?"

[thebestuchiha]

"I just... realized there's some stuff I need to talk to you about. You know, while things are still kind of all over." He leaned on the wall, shaking his head a little. "That I should've really done sooner if I'm honest."

[scarecrowboy]

Kakashi gingerly stretched out his right arm to hand Obito a cup, his left arm tucked in so as not to disturb the bandaging on his side. He didn't know what to expect, couldn't predict what was coming, so he shrugged.

"I'm all ears."

[thebestuchiha]

He walked over and took the cup, then retreated to his position halfway across the room again as he swirled the cup. "So, I wanna open with the fact that me not bringing this up before is because I was being kind of a coward and not really a reflection on you, okay?"

[scarecrowboy]

Kakashi's eyebrow twitched slightly. He'd had a lot of things stacked in perfect order to relay to Obito previous to seeing him, but now that he was here it seemed his mind was drawing a blank. He could sense the uncertainty in Obito's frame, and in the way he held himself as he spoke.. Some part of him wanted the news out to stop that uncomfortable quality in his friend... but another part of him wanted to stave off the news, because he could see it wasn't anything good.

"Okay..." he nodded gently, keeping his gaze on Obito, tea forgotten on the side.

[thebestuchiha]

He stared down into his tea cup for a long moment, cupping it with both hands and seeming to gather his thoughts. Or bravery. It was really hard to say this and he fully expected Kakashi to be ticked off at him for not speaking up sooner. "So. Do you remember when Sensei was training me to be Hokage?"

[scarecrowboy]

"Of course.." Kakashi nodded, encouraging the other on gently.

Casting his mind back, he could remember that the time in question was around when Kakashi had been in ANBU, close to his leave. He could remember tales of Obito's training, excitement for his official position, the nerves and the stress... Why would Obito need to remind him of something so long ago?

[thebestuchiha]

"It covered everything, you know?" He took a drink of the tea, peering into the cup. "Papers, intel, missions, everything."

Then he glanced back to Kakashi.

[scarecrowboy]

"I gathered," Kakashi smiled just slightly, kind of amused by Obito's round housing. "You were training to be Hokage, after all." This was obviously something that had gone on village-side while he was in ANBU, right? Something he'd avoided telling Kakashi for whatever reason, and now he was either here to ask for advice or boast. Typical.

Or at least that's what Kakashi assumed. "Where are you going with this, Obito?"

[thebestuchiha]

He grimaced, then stared down into his cup before shifting to the side a little so he could put it down. His fingers were laced tightly together as he put himself back in his former spot and finally looked at Kakashi directly. Enough waffling around the point.

"I want to start with saying I'm really sorry. So so sorry because it was my fuckup okay? I didn't take into account mis-intel. I should have. I've tried to never make that mistake again, but that doesn't mean I'm not sorry okay? It's.. I- I should probably just spit it out and just. Yeah."

He swallowed thickly and drew in a deep breath, let it out. "It was never your fault it was a fuckup, okay? That mission. It wasn't."

[scarecrowboy]

...Mis-intel?

Kakashi immediately didn't want to believe it. As if tearing open old wounds by just the mention of that particular mission wasn't enough... to hear Obito trying to take responsibility for that mission... It was too much, and it couldn't be right.

He had to have misunderstood something somewhere - just like he always did with Obito. He was constantly finding himself thinking in circles, second guessing and accidentally coming to conclusions that made no sense. He'd done it again, obviously. Obito couldn't- he wouldn't...

"You?" he said finally, his eyebrows drawn in and his eyes blown wide. "You sent me on that mission?"

[thebestuchiha]

"Yeah. Though I didn't realize it was specifically you at the time, yes, it's my fault. I should have told you before. Tried to tell you before even but I-... At some point I stopped trying to. So I'm sorry. Okay? I'm really sorry I didn't say it sooner, but you needed to know before things went, well, anywhere else than they've gone so far. Otherwise, it's not fair at all to you and- And I just handled everything horribly and I'm sorry."

He bit off his words, then dipped his head slightly, watching him but making himself be quiet. He really wouldn't blame Kakashi if he decided to throw him out at this point though.

[scarecrowboy]

Kakashi was dumbfounded. The lack of energy in his body was probably a very good thing, because he could feel a slow curl of anger and sadness and fear twisting in his gut, and had he any strength to lash out it probably wouldn't have gone down well.

Obito had said it right there. It was his fault. There wasn't any escaping that, and Kakashi found himself wishing against all odds that he could find a loophole, figure out some way to deny what Obito was saying, but the more he turned it over in his mind, the more clear it became.

"You kept this from because you were scared of what I'd think of you...?" Kakashi asked quietly, though it wasn't really a question. "You let me think that you trusted me - you let me trust you - and all this time you've been hiding this from me veiled under some excuse of care, like lying to me was what was best for me. Like it would keep me happy, and keep me out of ANBU?" He let out an incredulous little laugh, his hand going to his forehead, over his scarred eye as he paused to let this weighty news settle in.

"You're right," he said eventually, his voice level and surprisingly quiet despite the unrest in his emotions. "You have handled everything horribly."

[thebestuchiha]

"I've always been a bit of a coward when it comes to you Kakashi." It was a murmur, simple and to the point. "I just hide it well apparently if you never noticed." He took in a deep breath, shaky, and flashed him a weak, sad smile.

"But I never lied. I tried to bring it up and I just... couldn't force the point when you didn't want to talk about it. But you're right. It wasn't what was best for you, and I don't blame you at all if this makes you lose faith in me for keeping it from you."

He dipped his head a touch further, glancing away. Then, he straightened, meeting Kakashi's gaze again. "Like I said though. It would be unfair to you if I let things just... carry on past where they were without you knowing this. So there you go Kakashi. You know."

[scarecrowboy]

Kakashi let his hand drop, staring at Obito with one intent, almost enraged eye.

"A coward when it comes to me? You've got to be kidding." Kakashi narrowed his eyes, his voice raising just a touch. "You aren't afraid of me, you're afraid of what I think of you. You don't want me to hold you in any stead other than the highest, and that's what this is about."

He wasn't sure if he was right or if this was his worn out emotions and bubbling anger talking, but he found he couldn't care less. Obito just seemed selfish to him now.

"As for it being unfair? Obito, what the hell is that supposed to mean?! Are you expecting that to make it all alright? If it's unfair now, it was just as unfair to keep it from me then."

He was frustrated - beyond that - and the last thing he wanted now was to feel sorry for Obito. He could tell tears weren't far off if Kakashi's temper carried on, and if that happened Kakashi would probably smack him so hard he'd put himself out of commission for good.

He wanted Obito gone.

"I'm not angry that it happened. I don't blame you, it's in the past and you learnt from it. I'm angry that you didn't trust me, and that you kept it from me for so long. You have no idea how knowing would have helped give me closure. I could have talked to you, do you understand what that means?"

Obito didn't know how Kakashi felt about ANBU because Kakashi had always kept him at a distance. The man had no idea how Kakashi's mind worked, or the way it had worked when he'd been carrying his fallen comrades home, had no idea the guilt he'd weighted down his own throat with... This conversation was five years too late; and now instead of healing, it tore open healed wounds and rubbed salt into them.

This, combined with his brooding from the last few weeks? Ah, Obito's timing never got any better.

He didn't want to hear any more.

His words came weary and lethargic, but there was something to them that made it sound like Kakashi was about to vomit.

"Get out."

[thebestuchiha]

His eyes stayed dry, even in the force of Kakashi's anger, and he never lost the lopsided little smile. No, he had his own ways of dealing with things, and frankly, he'd expected this reaction exactly. He'd prepared himself for it, and he knew he deserved it.

"It means that you deserve to be angry at me for being a selfish coward Kakashi, and it's unfair for you to not be aware that I have been."

He didn't go out the way he came in, instead moving to comply with the order to leave by heading for the door. "I'll find some way to make this up to you. I promise I will."