Kakashi nodded, opened his mouth to say something.. and ended up just crying more. So he paused, gave himself a minute or two to let his sobs calm, comforted by the hands Obito had on him and by the steady air of hope heading toward them.
He shifted away from Obito a little once he was calmer, and sat back to push his hitai-ate off his forehead and tug his mask down under his chin to reveal his reddened face. His usually sleepy-looking open eye was puffy and watery, and he gulped in air like he'd been holding his breath for days once his face was free. He wiped his face on his hand, then looked sheepishly up at Obito, ashamed and embarrassed of the state he was in.
"I.. I want you. And Gai, both of you. But I want it like it was before. I don't want.. to be your boyfriend, I just want t-..to be Kakashi. And you be Obito, and Gai be Gai. I want the three of us to stay exactly how we were, because that's when I liked it the most.. Except instead of.. avoiding you when you flirt with me, I could understand that you mean it, and.. maybe we could keep going out together, and maybe find more excuses to spend time together-.." he paused, averted his eyes.
"The commitment scares me, I don't know why.. I always thought I'd find a someone like in my books, like Sensei did. I thought I'd find them, it would click and everything would fit easily into place; I'd dote on them, make them happy and that would be my story, but.. it's nothing like that. It's confusing and difficult and I realize I don't know how to dote on someone, or love someone like that, let alone make them happy for the rest of their lives.." He flushed, then felt stupid for it. He'd always had a squishy inside, a soft spot for romantic gestures, and he wasn't sure if Obito had ever picked up on it, so to admit it now was more than a little embarrassing. He scrubbed at his eyes, wishing his mask wasn't drenched so he could have at least hid behind that...
"Some days I want to be alone, and some days I want to bury myself in a recognizable scent and not move.. I can't ever make up my mind, I'm not reliable. I don't regret trying to be your boyfriend, but it doesn't work for me.. But I won't leave you. I still want to be yours, just.. Not like that. Not yet, at least. Does that make sense? I don't mind if you and Gai are still together, in fact I kind of want you to be, I just.." He shook his head. "Not yet. If that's okay.."
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He shifted away from Obito a little once he was calmer, and sat back to push his hitai-ate off his forehead and tug his mask down under his chin to reveal his reddened face. His usually sleepy-looking open eye was puffy and watery, and he gulped in air like he'd been holding his breath for days once his face was free.
He wiped his face on his hand, then looked sheepishly up at Obito, ashamed and embarrassed of the state he was in.
"I.. I want you. And Gai, both of you. But I want it like it was before. I don't want.. to be your boyfriend, I just want t-..to be Kakashi. And you be Obito, and Gai be Gai. I want the three of us to stay exactly how we were, because that's when I liked it the most.. Except instead of.. avoiding you when you flirt with me, I could understand that you mean it, and.. maybe we could keep going out together, and maybe find more excuses to spend time together-.." he paused, averted his eyes.
"The commitment scares me, I don't know why.. I always thought I'd find a someone like in my books, like Sensei did. I thought I'd find them, it would click and everything would fit easily into place; I'd dote on them, make them happy and that would be my story, but.. it's nothing like that. It's confusing and difficult and I realize I don't know how to dote on someone, or love someone like that, let alone make them happy for the rest of their lives.." He flushed, then felt stupid for it. He'd always had a squishy inside, a soft spot for romantic gestures, and he wasn't sure if Obito had ever picked up on it, so to admit it now was more than a little embarrassing. He scrubbed at his eyes, wishing his mask wasn't drenched so he could have at least hid behind that...
"Some days I want to be alone, and some days I want to bury myself in a recognizable scent and not move.. I can't ever make up my mind, I'm not reliable. I don't regret trying to be your boyfriend, but it doesn't work for me.. But I won't leave you. I still want to be yours, just.. Not like that. Not yet, at least. Does that make sense? I don't mind if you and Gai are still together, in fact I kind of want you to be, I just.." He shook his head. "Not yet. If that's okay.."