sunshineverse | [Closed] He's tired of this crap guys.

Gai had been exercising, but when he realized it was Obito at his door, he tried to make it look as through he had been taking it easy. He kicked his workout mat under the couch, put aside the 'light' weights and toweled down his face and neck so he didn't look quite so recently active. Honestly, he figured Obito would know, but he had to make the effort to look innocent. He could just imagine what Obito was here for.

Kakashi spoke to Obito, didn't he. Gai couldn't imagine that went as well as he had optimistically hoped it would.

He opened the door and grinned, ushering Obito in. The ANBU guards could come too, or wait. "Ah! Obito--er, I mean, Hokage-sama! Come in! Come in! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Obito closed the door to make sure nobody followed him and took off his shoes, moving further into the house and planting himself on Gai's couch uninvited. "So, you and I need to have a chat."

He wasn't angry, but he was direct, and was looking at Gai expectantly.

His house was Obito's house. Obito was always invited, whether Gai said it or not. But the way Obito invited himself in spoke of a serious business and that he didn't have time to muddle through social pleasantries.

Gai dreaded those words, knew they were coming. He nodded solemnly and took a seat across from Obito.

"First, I hid that I was depressed from you, I'll try not to do it again." He leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees and making sure he had Gai's fully focus. "Second, I talked with Kakashi. I sorted him out. Third. You fucked up."

Obito had been depressed? How long? Why? He should have noticed! But Gai barely had a chance for that to all sink in before Obito was accusing him of screwing up. "What? Is this about the mission?"

"No. It's about your talk with Kakashi. You gave him the impression you didn't want to be with him. I smacked it into him that that wasn't true, but what did you even do?" His tone wasn't accusing, just... he needed to figure out where it faltered.

Edited 2014-11-11 02:59 (UTC)

"What did I do? I told him I loved him. I told him he was my friend and my Rival and-- He told me that he did not want to be boyfriends anymore. I did the only thing I could do, Obito. I told him that was fine. I tried to tell him not to feel guilty for not ...wanting that. I assured him that we would always be Eternal Rivals. I was not going to try to keep him as my boyfriend at the risk of losing his friendship."

Gai shrugged looked down at his hands. "I did what I thought was right by Kakashi."

"You weren't hurt by it at all, so he thought you weren't interested." He stared at him, stunned that Gai wasn't grasping the point. "You really didn't see what he was doing?"

"He felt backed into it. I know he was running away, Obito, but--" There was a lot more discussion than just romantic issues. Kakashi and ANBU, Kakashi's near death... Losing that romance seemed a small price to pay to put Kakashi back in the right frame of mind, the frame of mind that wouldn't rush out to fight old ANBU buddies because he was frustrated and angry. Losing romance meant keeping friendship. He looked at Obito. "When I pushed him to become Rivals, to be my friend, I did not have anything to lose if he walked away. Now... I cannot imagine life without him, Obito."

"That's not it." His voice softened, and he reached out with one hand, clearly expecting Gai to take it. "He was running away on our behalf Gai. He didn't want to stop, he wanted it to be like it was, with maybe a little more, get what I'm saying? He got this idea in his head you viewed him as a brother because you weren't at all upset he was backing off."

"I am sorry. In all our years knowing each other, we have never once...I do not think he has even looked at me like that. Not until that day." He took Obito's hand, squeezing it gently and holding it like a lifeline. "I thought it would hurt him more if I showed pain. It was easy to pretend to be like a brother to him. We have done so forever. I did not want to trap him in by guilt over my feelings. He wanted it like it was before. And I could do that."

"He doesn't. He just doesn't want what he saw it become, okay?" He reached with his other hand too, clasping Gai's in both of his. "He felt out of control. So he has that back. Give him little gestures, I know you can. Don't rein yourself in. Just give him the love and affection and he'll pick the pace. Simple. Make sure he feels you love him and doesn't talk himself out of what I told him, okay? I know he will given half a chance."

"What did it even become? Aside from our initial kisses and touches that day, I have not done anything with him that I would not otherwise do." Gai bowed his head and raised their joined hands up to kiss Obito's knuckles as he had that day a month ago. It was comforting. Little gestures Gai could do. To be honest, it was all he expected Kakashi would ever want from him. Gai had just liked the idea of being able to offer them as a boyfriend. "What did you tell him? ...You did not pressure him into it, did you?"

Kakashi said himself that he could not say no to Obito.

"I had a complete meltdown.... not actually related to the breakup thing he did. Tried to do? I don't even know. He wasn't exactly clear with me, it made me cry harder, he finally slapped me, I yelled at him, he cried, air was cleared. Bam, we're good." He gave him a wry smile.

"Basically the word boyfriend made him feel paranoid and pressured because he had a highly romanticized idea of what it means. He loves us both. His motivation in breaking up with us is that he felt he would fail at his own expectations of what a boyfriend was and hurt us." He squeezed his hand. "Obviously, we didn't expect anything different than him being him but he expected more from him."

He shook his head slightly. "It was never about not wanting to be with us. He does. He so very badly does Gai, it hurt him to do that, which is why it hurt him when it didn't hurt you. See? Of course he'd focus on the relief. That doesn't negate the insecurity."

He held his gaze steadily. "I made him tell me what he really wanted. He wants to be himself with the option to kiss or not, hug or not, whatever he wants or not, and as a boyfriend he felt compelled. I don't see it as any different, personally, but I'm not going to call it that because the word itself drowned him. You see? So don't hold back on him, since it almost definitely won't help."

This was so complicated for what seemed so simple a month ago. And Gai was feeling more and more frustrated with himself that he hadn't really assuaged Kakashi's guilt or made him feel better that day at all. What had he accomplished? More of a mess. Hurting his rival. Making things more difficult than they were for Obito. Obito had to come in and clean up his mess because Gai had failed at it.

Obito was right. He fucked up. For two of his most important people, no less. He would not allow himself to screw up like that again.

He nodded. "I promise I will try my best to neither be too restrained nor overzealous! Although, it may be advisable if he lays out some ground rules because," he smiled softly, "I do get a little excited sometimes."

"Don't use the word boyfriend. Nothing like that. Just... be you. If you're worried that you're going too far, ask if it's okay. I plan to just... do, and encourage him to do back. Talk to him about it. If you want me there to translate Kakashi being dumb I can do that. We probably need to all talk anyway at some point so we're all on the same page."

He got up, moving over a step and kissing his forehead. "You fucked up, but I fixed it, and it calmed him enough to talk to me, so it's not bad, it's fixable, okay?"

"I do not want to have to rely on you to fix it, though. I am his Rival. I should be able to handle this myself, instead of what happened." Kakashi's fight with Yamato still stung, despite the talk; this did not help matters, though Gai put on a brave face. It took a lot for him to admit his weaknesses and shortcomings, but he was eager to assure Obito that he was working on improving, that he had identified this problem in himself.

"I love you, Obito. But we are in this together, the three of us. And I am supposed to be the steady one, the one that keeps us from collapsing." He pulled Obito into a hug, despite the awkward angle. "I promise I will be a better boyfriend, even if we do not call ourselves such. I will work on it."

"Gai, you fixed it enough I could fix the rest." He hugged him back, nudging him back so he could crawl into his lap properly, knees to one side of him as he settled sideways. "We hadn't spoken in three weeks up to yesterday."

Gai wrapped Obito up in a more comfortable hug now and tucked his head just under Obito's chin. "You are just trying to make me feel better." There was a little grumble and pout in his voice, subtle indications that he was feeling a little better. "Thank you. And I am glad you two are speaking again. You two are too important to each other to not be."

"I was starting to think he'd never speak to me in nonprofessional manner again." It was a murmur, and he hugged him close to himself. "You really have no idea how much I'm not trying to make you feel better saying you did a lot."

"I did not do much. He loves you so much, Obito. He would have put away his anger and pride eventually, with or without help. But you are both stubborn, especially when it comes to each other." It was easier to be supportive and positive when they weren't talking about Gai himself. And if they wanted things to be as they were, this had been his relationship with Obito for all those ten years: support, some consolation, a warm hug. A little less lap-sitting though. "The passionate hearts you have draw you together, but also make you clash. It will be challenging, but trust me. My Rival loves challenges. He will make it work."

"I made him talk to me. But you made him come see me." He ran his fingers through his hair. "He wanted it really clear that what was between you and me shouldn't hinge on what was between us and him."

Gai remembered that part of the conversation with Kakashi vividly. He held Obito tighter and peered up at him. "It does not, does it? I mean, that is not to say I do not want him included--I do, but..."

"It hasn't before now." He gave a small hitch of his shoulder and dipped his head, nosing Gai into lifting his head. "I'm sure you noticed that, right? I mean. We've been kissing for ages."

He blushed and nuzzled Obito as he lifted his head to look at him properly. "Yes. I admit that did not escape my notice, even if the depth of the affections behind those kisses did."

"You're the only one I've been kissing all this time you know." He paused a moment, flushing slightly. "What about you?"

His smile grew. "Really?" Gai thought for certain Obito might have had other kissing companions. After all, that had been Obito's first kiss. Meaning... wow. He had been the only one to kiss Obito until Obito kissed Kakashi? "You were it for me as well. I never even pursued dates." His sense of honor felt it would have been disloyal, and his heart never wanted to either, even though they were technically friends with kissing benefits, not boyfriends. "Unless you count asking you to lunches after 'training.'"

He snorted softly, wrapping his arms comfortably around Gai's shoulders. "So basically we both were under the view we were exclusively dating for the last ten years and wouldn't discuss it."

"To be fair, we were exclusively training!" Gai laughed, shaking his head before smiling up at Obito, his gaze soft and affectionate. "I fell in love with you somewhere in there, but it got confused with the friendship and admiration I already felt for you. I am sorry. But whether I knew it or not, you have had my heart for a very long time."

He felt a small flush touch his face, and he dipped his head slightly. "I have huh?" He paused a moment, then worried his lower lip. If he could tell Kakashi, he could tell Gai. "I can't say that you don't have a definite portion of mine too so..."

"I do?" There was awe in Gai's voice, or surprise, or something akin to both. He raised one hand to Obito's cheek, resting it there, staring up into his eyes as he leaned up. "I promise to take the best care of it."

He flushed immediately, but gave a single crisp nod. "Yeah. Looks like it. Just. Yeah. Don't expect me to say it all the time or anything."

"I do not! That you said it once and that you know that I love you very much in return is more than enough for me."

That deepened the flush, and he hid his face against his shoulder. "Okay good." He took a deep breath. "So everything is good then?"

"If everything is good for you and for Kakashi, it is." He pet Obito's hair a little and smiled down at him.

He nodded, then just cuddled in. He didn't want to keep talking, and he just wanted to soak up the unique comfort that was Gai instead. He wanted more hugs and less emotional trauma now, ugh.

[Closed] He's tired of this crap guys.

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