the apology, pt 1.

[morningpeacock]

Who: Gai and Neji [closed]
Where: Neji's apartment
When: November 2nd, evening



After yesterday's unofficial break, Gai felt a renewed productivity. Paperwork went better than ever (he broke all his previous records), the forms were filled out completely and without any issue, and overall, he was starting to feel better. It was funny that paperwork of all things had given him time to think and reflect on the past week. Well, paperwork and Kakashi. A visit from his Rival had always somehow managed to put a little bounce back into Gai's step and he no longer could excuse neglecting to have some very important discussions.

So, now was the time to apologize. He would not allow himself to put it off any longer. And while Obito wanted him to apologize to Yamato, Gai wanted to speak with his student first. It seemed only right.

He knocked on the door.

Comments

[heavenly_earth]

That was more insight than he'd expected to gain, and as Kakashi had explained his reasons for joining the mission to him quite clearly, Neji wondered if perhaps he was one of the few that saw both sides of the matter. But it still wasn't his place to interfere- Gai and Kakashi were grown men, they could reach that understanding themselves. He hoped.

"You could say I did do it to escape Hyuuga," he agreed with a slight smile, arms uncrossing and falling to lean back against the countertop. "I understand my life is a delicate balance of power, so I chose a new keeper by placing myself under Hokage-sama's direct authority. If they compromise me in any way, they'll have to answer to him, and given the unofficial capacity in which I function, Hyuuga will have a difficult time proving or pursuing any false information he might feed them to protect me. It's only unfortunate that this engagement doesn't qualify as 'compromising field integrity'."

His expression twisted into one of annoyance, but he waved it off with a shrug and finally crossed the room to sit properly on his futon. "What I didn't expect, was for ANBU to make me reinvent myself. As a member from a prominent clan with a distinctive fighting style, everything had to change in order to maintain anonymity.

I'll admit the thought petrified me for a few days. All my life, as much as I disliked my clan, I'd always been Hyuuga. Every time I caught my reflection, fought, or observed through the Byakugan, I was reminded. It's an integral part of myself and ingrained so deeply that I couldn't have told you who I was without it if I was ever asked."

And that sounded so pathetic that he laughed a short, almost self-deprecating note. "Anyway, it took awhile, but then I realized that Swan could be anyone I wanted him to be. It didn't require deconstruction so much as recreation. I could choose to be the person I wanted behind that mask, without fear of dire repercussion because no one has absolute power over me. I can make my own decisions and fight my own battles, and that's freedom. Even if I do marry Hinata-sama, Hyuuga can never take that from me, and I could never thank Hokage-sama enough for such an opportunity."

[morningpeacock]

It seemed appropriate, as he listened to Neji's reasons--and more importantly his transformation--that Neji had been named Swan. Swans were formidable birds, elegant and dangerous, but they were also transformations. A cygnet was a cute, sometimes awkward thing, but it grew into a noble and stately bird.

Gai could see how Neji would view ANBU as freedom. Though he could not see how ANBU had been that for Kakashi. But maybe he had been blind. Gai only ever needed being a ninja as any kind of freedom, but the bar had been set pretty low for him by society. With Neji and Kakashi it was different.

"I am glad the Hokage could do that for you," he said, turning to face Neji's new position, but not inviting himself to a seat. "I am glad you are finding yourself, and do not be ashamed that you did not have words for who exactly you were before. Self -discovery is part of growth, and I have seen you blossom with each new year. Late-blooming flowers are some of the most beautiful. Neji, you are an amazing young man, a splendid ninja, and I am sorry if anything I said has ever seemed as though I might be trying to clip your wings or cage you. That was never my intent."

Gai had never been good at letting go, but this was cathartic, he supposed. He was letting go of one of his students, allowing him to fly freely on his own path. The eventual empty nest, however, loomed before Gai and filled him with dread. Obito called them his 'Legacy' and perhaps they were. But knowing that they would soon all be headed off without him was terrifying. His ego and sense of loyalty had been hurt with Kakashi's re-involvement in ANBU; Neji's involvement just left Gai feeling sad and proud at the same time.

"I love you, Neji, as if you were my own son. I am immensely proud of you and I want you to keep growing, keep reinventing yourself. Keep choosing your own path, no matter how others try to direct you. I am sorry you were involved in this personal mess and I am sorry if I hurt you." He gave a solemn bow.

[heavenly_earth]

His smile was a soft, complex expression, fondness warring with the solemnity he was unaccustomed to handling with Gai. He'd always known his mentor's love for him ran almost parallel with his own father's, found himself annoyed by the more obvious displays of it at times, but always he was quietly grateful for his guidance.

"I never thought you were trying to cage me, I was only ever worried that you might not be able to reconcile with my involvement out of a sense of deeply-rooted concern for my mental health." Their conversation in the library months ago came to mind.

"And I understand that well, but you should know that Yamato-taichou is one of the most well-adjusted members I've seen. I can't say I know much about Kakashi-san other than the fact he acted in the same capacity, but I'm certain it had no little impact." And if Yamato's adjustment to ANBU was any indication, he had to say that Kakashi must have done an excellent job on his own.

"His methods are unusual, and contradict a good deal of my initial training. It's a softer approach than even you might expect, although Yamato-taichou's record speaks for itself in his field effectiveness even so. I'm in good hands, Gai-sensei."