[Closed] When things go awry, they go really awry.

[thebestuchiha]

Where: Konoha, Yamato's apartment
When: January 5th, morning
Notes: He has a few things to talk about.

He'd kept to himself after he and Sasuke had gotten back the afternoon prior, closing away in his office while he turned the entire situation over in his mind. It led him to several interesting conclusions. Not the least of which was that he wasn't going to talk to Gai about this at all. Nor was he going to pull Kakashi into the mess.

That made sense, for several reasons, but the part that surprised him was his own resolve to talk to someone about it anyway. Sasuke needed him to be strong, solid, so he wasn't going to reflect any of that back on the boy. Instead, he made his way to Tenzou's window, pushing it open and perching there in the early hours of the morning when he knew they man would be home, drumming his fingers on the windowsill in a request for permission to enter.

Usually he didn't go to body language, and when he used the ANBU signs his people did, it was usually just quick commands when he needed to keep them out of notice for whatever it was, be it political or simply practicality. He knew most didn't consider how well he had to know them to keep track of his people, and he never mentioned it either.

This morning, after the events of the day prior, it felt appropriate. He'd get back to normal speaking once he was invited in, he was sure. He'd kept himself seeming normal all of the evening before during office duties, after all, it would be simpel enough to get back to himself once he was in a secure situation.

Comments

[mokutonno]

"..Self preservation doesn't make you a monster, Obito."
It was firm and came from a wealth of personal experience. There were untold numbers of lives lost at Yamato's hands, some perceived innocent and others most certainly not, but all taken in the fulfillment of his duty.

"if we remembered all of them, grieved for them as we would those we hold close, we'd go mad.. No one could maintain that and survive. We are defenders, fighters and work for the betterment of our village, but that doesn't change the fact that we are all foremost, trained killers and that's something that needs to be made clearer to the young ones of the village. It's something that no one should forget."

Too many times had he seen agents break down, crumble under the bloodshed, at interrogations or one long mission too many and it grieved him to watch such brave shinobi struggle to cope.

"Removing ourselves, prioritizing our resources and what's important is crucial.." He looked up and caught Obito's gaze with a strangely open look, seeming at once, very old and painfully young "..But I don't doubt for a moment that you'll feel the weight of their deaths.. just not in the way that's expected, not any more at least."

[thebestuchiha]

"Doing it this way will keep a threat from tearing down Konoha. More so it will keep my student safe from a vendetta he doesn't know how to handle." He examined the other man's face, a tiny, wry smile coming to his lips.

Sometimes, when it was like this, Tenzou reminded him that he was one of his closest friends, and the one he shared more confidences with than any other. Using the title of best friend wouldn't be wrong, and how odd was that? He didn't say any of that though, instead just letting out a slow breath and nodding.

"Your faith in me means a lot. I don't ever want to become a monster, and lose sight of what I believe in, but I guess sometimes I have a moment where I have to figure out if I have or not. So, thanks for reminding me my vision hasn't turned murky just yet."

He picked the cup back up, sipping at it meditatively, turning the idea over in his head. "Would it be alright if I asked you to check in on Sasuke while all this is going on? He's..." He paused, looking for words to describe the resolve he sensed in him. "I think he's going to need guidance in the choices he's going to make that has to deal with your experience more than mine."

[mokutonno]

"The fact that Sasuke's reaction affected you at all, that it made you consider your own reactions, is proof that you're not that far gone yet.. But I'll keep both eyes on you though, just in case."

It was said with a soft smile and in response to the request he nodded, brows drawn up in surprise. "Of course. I- Well, I haven't had all that much contact with him, but I'm sure I can think of something.."

He knew a great deal about Obito's students, but besides the odd run in here and there, his contact with any of them had been pretty limited. For the sake of Sasuke's sanity though? he'd make sure he sought the younger Uchiha out.

[thebestuchiha]

He relaxed a little at the assurance that Tenzou would keep an eye that he remained himself, and on noting the surprise that he had over the Sasuke request... felt the need to explain.

"He was horrified at the idea of either of hs teammates ever having to deal with this sort of situation in any way. He's also incredibly protective... So I believe he might be setting his eyes on ANBU, or something else in that realm. It's not clear as of yet. So... I'm asking you. You're the best person for it, after all, even f I've known him longer, I believe an objective ear would do him better."

[mokutonno]

Yamato scoffed at that, sipping his tea and then rolling the empty cup between his hands in thought.

"That's an instinct he'll have to lose quickly if he wants to be successful..He means well, I know, but getting in the way of other's progress, especially those you care about, will do more harm than good."

He reached for the pot to refill their cups and shot Obito a wry smile. "Getting in the way gets people killed and that's not something I'd ever want to see of Sasuke's conscience."

it was surprisingly easy now to be free in his thoughts with the other man and Yamato felt quietly surprised. Usually only Kakashi or Yukimi were privy to his more dower opinions but something had changed, something for the better and the words rolled easily without the permission to speak freely.

[thebestuchiha]

He let out a faint laugh and sighed, shaking his head. "He's a little idiot sometimes, it's true, but it's only because he cares too much. Curse of the family I suppose."

He shifted, settling back in his chair as he picked up his tea to sip at, posture easing to something more open. "I've had to smack some sense into him about what is considered acceptable harm to those under his guidance and what is considered a significant loss. I dread the day he loses someone on a mission, and while I hope it never happens... I think he'd finally understand better."

He peered up at the ceiling for a moment, thoughtful. "I think this already opened his eyes to some things he couldn't see before." He glanced back to Tenzou. "When I was his age I couldn't handle it gracefully at all so I think he's doing pretty well, all told. He's finally learning to wear a front at least."

[mokutonno]

"A front isn't enough though.."

Yamato held his cup close, soaking up the warmth of the fresh tea and regarded the middle distance with a frown.

"He needs to process and accept what happened, not during the mission of course, but the sooner he learns that he needs to deal with the emotions he packs away for the sake of a mission or others, the better he'll be in the long run."

it was speaking from experience again and one of the few lessons that Kakashi had been strict with, even if it wasn't with himself. Yamato had suffered from the complete opposite until the Jounin had pulled him up on it; blood on his hands had little affect on his younger self and it was a worrying trait that Kakashi talked him out of, making sure he understood the weight of every death, that they had meaning.

It didn't always help him sleep at night, but it was enough to keep him grounded, to keep him human in the worst day's they'd shared.

[thebestuchiha]

"Ah... I'm not worried about that. I'm keeping a close watch on him but it was hard to keep him removed enough to handle it at the time. No, I'm more worried that he hasn't learned how to keep his emotional upsets from showing like a neon sign. That kind of front, so people don't call him on things he needs to keep to himself."

He shook his head and sighed. "He's a jounin now, it's a skill he has to have."

[mokutonno]

"Ah, then yes. His poker face seems to be decent enough outside of stressful situations.. I'm sure he'll be able to use that better soon enough."
Yamato had seen Sasuke's ability to dead pan once or twice while on guard duty, there potential was there, he just needed to focus on the internal ground work first. He made a mental note, already planning out exactly what he could do to aid Sasuke the most.

[thebestuchiha]

"Yeah, pretty much." He was quiet for a moment, observing him as the other man settled into thought. "What can I say, I worry about my students, him more than the other two, usually."

[mokutonno]

Yamato shot him a fond look, roused from his musing to reply "It's a healthy worry though. These students will go on to have their own and the village will be in their hands one day.. Leaving unfinished foundations behind you is no way to keep anyone safe in the long run."

He didn't always agree with the amount of leeway given to many of the younger shinobi, but Yamato was also aware of a large missing chunk of his own development and if it was important enough that others wanted it protected, then he would do so with minimal complaint.

[thebestuchiha]

"Yeah, pretty much. I know eventually someone's going to end up with a burden I set on them... so I want to make sure that they're capable. I don't want to be what makes this village falter and fall." He shook his head and let out a soft breath, looking over at him. "You see my reasoning?"

[mokutonno]

Yamato nodded his agreement, leaning in to rest his elbows on the table and quirked a pleased smile. "I do, and you're not alone in it either."

The list of things that Yamato wouldn't do for the village, was worryingly small but neither of them would be around forever, so it would always be important to keep the next generation focused and give them what they needed to carry on regardless of who was lost.

[thebestuchiha]

He looked at him thoughtfully at that point, head tilting just a little as he evaluated him. "Have you ever considered having a student or three? Not... like mentoring someone trained, but being responsible for them from genin up?"

[mokutonno]

Yamato shot him an owlish look, shaking his head in a vague looking negative.

"..Not particularly no.."

The question had clearly thrown him for a loop and he immediately gave it some further thought, but couldn't help but think that there were people far better suited to such a task than him; Iruka for one, Kakashi, even Neji sprang to mind though his teammate was a little young.. Not once had it occurred to him as an option for himself and he quickly surmised why.

"it's not..something I've ever seen myself doing."

Children where not beings that he spent any incredible amount of time with and though he had over five years as a Captain under his belt, the idea of training and coordinating such helpless shinobi, left him feeling largely at a loss.

[thebestuchiha]

He laughed softly at the look on his face. Oh man, that was super cute, and his smile was incredibly fond.

"I can't say I'm terribly surprised... but you're patient, and protective, not to mention observant, so I can't say you're ill-suited if you ever decide to give it a try."

[mokutonno]

He blushed at the small string of compliments, flickering his gaze away somewhat bashfully.

"Ah, perhaps someday but..I feel more useful in the capacity I already fill. There are shinobi far better suited for that job anyway.."

Yamato had no doubt that if he were ordered to, he could put his mind to it and certainly be a passable Sensei, but if he was entirely honest village born and bread children, well..scared him.

There were swathes of development that even now he didn't quite see the point of or understand, simply because he had no memory of his own or no closer reference. All the information he had was second hand; tales that Obito spun about his team and the odd visit with Kushina-sama or Tae-san's chatter of the students she knew. Of course he'd endeavored to fill the gaps in his knowledge, but how could he be sure it was enough? No, for now, it wasn't something that he would entertain, not willingly anyway.

[thebestuchiha]

"I know. Sooner or later you'll figure out everything you're supposed to be learning out here so you can tuck back into that properly." He paused a moment, giving him a lopsided smile.

"If there's the time for that anyway. But, that I think you'll do good still stands."

Caaalling this done? 8D

[mokutonno]

He nodded, beating back the blush but there was a smile there too.

"..Well thank you, I'll keep it in mind if I make it to retirement."

Done it is!

[thebestuchiha]

"I have no doubt in my mind I'll have to shove you into retirement eventually, and that you'll get there." He grinned, then shook his head, happy things were, finally, back to somewhere how they should be between them.

It meant that the rest of the visit would go well.