[Open] Restore life the way it should be

[thelittleprincess]

Who: Ami and whoever wants to see her sick and vulnerable
Where: The training grounds for her teammates, the hospital for everybody else.
When: February 14th to the 22nd 
Notes: Ami has a fear of hospitals, and is terrified she'll die from illness in one, like her mother. So this'll be fun.


[February 14 - Team Shisui's Training Grounds]

Ami circled around her opponent, mindful of their teacher. She was thankful that they had headed right into sparring today; it helped explain the flush rising in her face, and the way her gaze was drifting slightly. She had staunchly ignored the signs of fever that had crept up over the past few days, stifling the coughs and sneezes as much as possible to avoid worrying her family. They always got so worried, because colds and flus hit her harder than most.

Like her mother.

Ami shoved down the stab of terror that lanced through her chest at the old memory. She was quiet normally, but she had all but taken a vow of silence since her voice started turning hoarse. She buried her face behind her collar and sniffled quietly, springing to the side to avoid a kick. Her head swam at the sudden motion and she stumbled, turning her ankle and tumbling to the ground, hard. The impact forced a cough out of her, and it was as if the floodgates had opened.

She hunched over, hacking and hacking. She felt something wet spatter against the palm she had raised to her mouth, and drew it away. It was speckled with saliva and... redness. Blood. Ami remembered that sight—blood, oozing from between her mother's fingers, the older woman smiling and trying to hide it from her little girl even as she swayed in her bed.

"I—" She coughed again, hard, unable to force out the fear that made her hoarse voice small and tremulous. "I think I'll need to forfeit."


[February 14-22 (Discharge Day)]

Ami hated the hospital.

She hated the smell, she hated the walls, she hated the tile, she hated the linens, she hated the feeling of the stethoscope on her chest and back as she was told to inhale, again and again, and she hated the way none of it had seemed to change at all in the past nine years. She snuffled miserably and tried to ignore the doctors and nurses that talked with her aunt and uncle when they visited. Bronchitis, they said sometimes. The mother had chronic bronchitis, didn't she? Mama had a lot of things, Ami remembered, and curled up tighter under the blankets heaped over her. A lot of things. But her lungs had been the worst.

She buried her face in her pillows and tried to convince herself that the pain in her throat was what was making her eyes sting with tears.

Comments

[abileunaspada]

"... Only if it comes to that, but I sincerely doubt you will, Ami," Squeezing her heand just a little, the smile was visible behind Adela's face mask as she added, "You'll be out soon, even if it's not today. You'll be healthy and you'll be able to see him again."

It was obvious Adela wasn't looking down on Ami for the moment of weakness -- far from it. The last thing she wanted was for Ami to think that she was being judged for feeling frightened, so Adela was doing her best to make sure that Ami would at least have some comfort.

Hm... Comfort. She closed her eyes then, closing her eyes as she hummed a simple tune, quiet and sure -- more sure as she went on, as if she were remembering. It didn't take long for lyrics to follow, aligned with the tones as she began to sing softly;

"The rarest flower meets the most trouble out and all alone,
It's lost in mist without a single friend to call its own.
But the Sun will come to shy the darkness and the mist away,
In sunlight a flower friend waits for a friend that will stay.

One day in sun a friend came by with cool water to share,
That friend had a sweet voice which the flower knew was rare.
When the flower thought that it would wilt its friend came by again,
And when the sun once more came out that new friend gave it rain."

It was such a long time since she'd heard that song that she felt for sure that she had messed it up somewhere, but she hoped that Ami would at least get the intent from it. After all, it was a song that was a little confusing - she was sure it wasn't very old. But... Well, maybe Ami would get the same benefit from it Adela once did.

[thelittleprincess]

Ami listened quietly. She wasn't one to really be moved by art or song, outside of craftwork or embroidery, as a byproduct of her family and self-discipline. But she appreciated the effort, all the same; it obviously had some sort of nostalgic value to Adela.

She could at least return the favor a little bit.

"Mama..." She faltered and turned away in a small coughing fit. "Mama would get a little better and then a lot worse." She let her eyes drift to the flowers. "She died in here." Well, not in here. In a different, long-term ward. "She was always—" Small. Delicate. "Frail."

Ami did not want to be frail.

[abileunaspada]

"I'm sorry," She seemed more sad then, shifting so that she could get a little closer to Ami. If that was the case... This place probably brought up a ton of bad memories. That was when she thought of something - it was silly, but it was the same way she thought for herself, so maybe...

"You know... I like to think that my parents have been watching over me ever since they had to let me go. They help when they can, and they make sure I make it through whatever ordeals are before me. I bet your mom's doing the same for you right now - she's gonna see you out of here, and so am I. I'll visit every day until you're released from hospital, now that I'm well enough to."

[thelittleprincess]

"I don't think Mama can help me do something she chronically failed to do." A bit of her normal candor shined through for a moment, which could have been a good sign. But it might have just as easily been her hackles raising in response to what Adela had said.

She went to the Memorial stone when she wanted to talk to her father, but reports about her life and progress were given to her mother at the family altar, always. Ami wanted her to rest at home, if such a thing as spirits actually existed. The thought of her stuck in the hospital even for Ami's sake—especially for Ami's sake—sounded hellish.

[abileunaspada]

"S-Sorry," Oh man, she didn't think that the comment would get Ami that riled up. Adela took a moment to let Ami get that out of her, and then she moved to sit on the bed - gently moving to hug Ami to her chest.

"I guess I'm not good at this, but... I want you to know you'll be okay. I promise, Ami. You'll be out of here sooner than you think. You're probably one of the strongest kunoichi I've met, and I know the bug you're fighting is not going to be the thing that takes you down."

[thelittleprincess]

"All the effort in the world is useless if my body betrays me." She turned her fingers back to the blanket, just so she could have something to dig her nails into. ""It's... I can't afford to ever get sick, because..." She clenched her jaw and forced the words out. "Because I was premature and I'm predisposed to contracting some of Mama's illnesses and infirmities."

She coughed once, hard. "So don't make promises that I could begrudge you for someday."

[abileunaspada]

"... You know, you're not the only one who was premature," She sighed a little, though really it was more for herself than for Ami. Predisposed to illness, huh... That would explain why the same flu that infected Adela got Ami into the hospital. Still, she was just doing all she could think of to help Ami get through this ordeal.

"I'll stay with you until you get better. I already told you, you're too strong to die just like that -- especially if Seph has his eye on you. He wouldn't have noticed you at all if you weren't strong, Ami. Please remember that."

[thelittleprincess]

"It wouldn't be as hard if that was the only problem." Her shoulders slumped, a little of that bowstring-like tension draining away. "It's the predisposition that causes trouble." She blinked angrily, trying to fight off the urge to cry. She succeeded, but it roughened her voice even more.

"I haven't had an episode like this in years," she bit out, furious at—herself, she supposed. "I try so hard and—I train so much. I do taijutsu, and I eat well, and I even take supplements." Less than she had to when first entering the Academy, but she dutifully asked the doctor at the pharmacy near her home for recommendations every year, post-check up. "And... he hasn't seen me like this."

Like Mama.

[abileunaspada]

"Even he knows that people get sick, Ami. And you're doing all you can, fighting to get better - the fact that you still have a fever means your body is still fighting, too. You're stong, and I know you're going to keep fighting as hard as you can. That's how I know you'll beat this, okay?" She could feel Ami shaking in her arms, even if the tears weren't there yet. Without really thinking about it she began to pet down Ami's hair and back, simply holding her close for the moment.

"You'll get better, and you'll be out of the hospital soon. If anyone can recover from something like this, it's you."

[thelittleprincess]

"Stop saying I'm strong."

There was venom in her voice. It wasn't entirely Adela's fault; it had been a building issue, and it was finally boiling over. "Just—stop saying that. All of you. 'You're strong'. 'You'll get through this'. 'I have faith in you'. None of it is worth the air you're using. It doesn't matter if I'm mentally or emotionally strong. It doesn't matter. The facts are that I'm sick, and while there's a chance I could get better, there's also a chance that this sickness—or the next one, or the one after that—will kill me."

She paused, leaning heavily against Adela as she tried to catch her breath. "...Mama was strong. She forced herself to smile everyday for me. But she never promised me that she'd get better, or come home soon, like the nurses did. She never lied to either of us."

Her vision blurred, hot tears finally overflowing.

[abileunaspada]

"... I wouldn't say it if I didn't believe it, Ami," The words were soft, almost sad as she just held Ami. There was only so much she could do though, and she'd heed the wish - she'd stop saying that. It was only upsetting her more, and that was the last thing she wanted. At that point the older girl only held Ami close, letting her cry and get what she needed to out.

"I'm here. I'm here for you."

[thelittleprincess]

"And I believed that someday I'd make jounin and my parents would be there." It came out sadder, smaller than it should have been. Less bitter, and more broken thanks to the tears. "And then Daddy died on a mission and Mama collapsed at the market and went to the hospital. And that was that. Belief isn't—there are other things to rely on."

Effort. Help. Tangible things she could control or get from other people. She squeezed her eyes as a set of sobs tried to bubble up.

[abileunaspada]

Adela didn't say anything else, letting Ami cry and continuing to pet and soothe down her back. Sometimes... Breaks like this were needed. And that Ami was so distraught... It made her sad to see.

"... Ami... Are you scared of what might happen...?" Once more she squeezed the smaller body to hers, letting Ami have time to think and answer however she liked. All she could do now was let Ami know that this was a safe place to answer, and that Adela wouldn't think any less of her for it.

[thelittleprincess]

"Scared?" Ami let out the first laugh Adela had ever gotten out of her, though it was watery and self-deprecating. "No. I'm terrified. Every time flu season rolls around, I think about her. Her, in a bed like this, smiling and withering away." She sucked in a quick breath. "I don't... I'd rather die like Daddy. I don't want to wither."

A death on the battlefield wouldn't be drawn out, stained by the unkillable hope for the day she'd magically 'get better' as the people she loved watched her follow in her mother's footsteps.

[abileunaspada]

"It's okay to be scared," Closing her eyes, she just held the smaller figure and tried to soothe and comfort where possible. There wasn't much else she could do, but she could at least try for Ami's sake, "Being sick, being put on dangerous missions, they're both just different ways of fighting for your life. This one's just scarier 'cause you can't just stab whatever's threatening you. So it's okay to be scared, right here, right now."

[thelittleprincess]

"...I hate being here," she said again, with feeling. The tears subsided to sniffles and huffs, but more or less her base composure was finally returning, now that she had gotten the chance to finally let out what had been dragging on her the past few days.

Surprisingly contrary to what Adela said, she—she didn't feel scared. Right here, right now.

[abileunaspada]

"Then, better or not, you're not staying here."

She let those words hang before she finally pulled back, grabbing a few tissues for Ami and handing them to her when she spoke, her smile clear behind her mask again, "I won't let you stay in here. Whether you're cleared or not, you need fresh air and to be out of here sometimes or you'll just go crazy. So if you're not out in the next couple of days I'll break you out if I have to so you can get that fresh air and outside time. Sounds good?"