Hyuuga Neji (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
heavenly_earth) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sunshineverse2015-02-27 10:57 pm
heavenly_earth) wrote in sunshineverse2015-02-27 10:57 pm
Entry tags:
[closed] Depicted in the dancing flames
Who: Neji and Tenten
When: August 12th, morning
Where: Tenten's apartment
Notes: Home is not always a refuge.
He'd learned early how to combat pressure. Growing up in Hyuuga taught him patience and control, becoming accustomed to his free will slowly being bound in chains. Chuunin instilled restraint and as a Jounin, he learned how to fall apart when those unforgiving weights became too much. And then ANBU.. ANBU had set him free.
Or so he'd thought.
Blue skies were a joy he'd only managed to appreciate for a few short months, and now the cage was closing in again. It was beautiful, gilded with promises of half-truths and pretty lies, suffocating in the way it ensnared his heart and left his wings to beat frantically against the bars. It put him at odds with himself, pinning two desperate desires against one another in a battle he could never hope to win.
His emotions were running too high and they strangled him, suffocating in a way he'd never be able to grow accustomed to. It was too much, overwhelming in a way that was at odds with all his in-borne conditioning, and he hated the lack of control almost as much as he hated the reasons behind it.
Trapped, he'd thrown himself at his mentor, breaking hard against solid rock, then breaking down until all that was left was a soul-deep exhaustion. He'd sleep then, and wake to slot together those scattered pieces of himself with a steadier mind in the morning. But even as he lay exhausted from a spar in which he'd thrown himself far past his limits, his mind refused to surrender to the healing sleep his body so desperately needed. It was never this hard before, but his thoughts wouldn't abate for long even in a meditative trance. His mind was determined to plague him with different scenarios, some better than others, but none a perfect ideal. He couldn't have both no matter what he did, and that realization made him feel sick.
He couldn't achieve total freedom and win over Temari's heart, and the darker part of him doubted whether or not he'd manage the latter anyway. He'd begun to feel reasonably confident lately, but the illusion shattered as this sudden arrangement shed a hard light on even something so simply convoluted as mild infatuation. He couldn't help but wonder that even if he were to fight, if there really was reason to, or if he was only suddenly desperate for it to be true.
With a growl, Neji turned over and cursed his clan for what felt like the hundredth time since that dreaded meeting. White eyes closed and he focused his breathing into more soothing patterns, willing himself to sleep once he'd gained more reasonable control over his thoughts again.
But sleep refused to come, and he tossed with a lingering turmoil that wouldn't settle. Neji threw off his sheets and padded to the kitchenette to set a kettle on the stove. He rubbed at his eyes and leaned against the counter to wait. He was tired, and tea to settle his nerves was a last resort this late. He could only be grateful that he'd all but moved out of the compound, because the thick atmosphere certainly would have driven him to do something drastic, but even so, his lonely apartment inspired only idle thoughts he found himself hard-pressed to be rid of or distracted from.
He briefly entertained the idea of inviting a guest, but the night was closer to morning by now and he'd rather not pull anyone from their bed, let alone endure any questions about the reasons he did so. No, he just needed to get out, go somewhere he could find some measure of peace of mind, and the answer came to him all at once.
Tenten.
He used to crash at her apartment when the compound became too much- to get away from his relatives for a night or two. But for a year now, he'd had his own space and no need to bother his teammate. It would be good for him, decided, though his body ached at the thought. It was possible the extra strain might also do him some good however, and Neji switched the stove off in a decisive movement. He dressed and left from his tiny balcony, hopping over rooftops and breathing in the warm night air as he wove over streets and across the village.
Neji landed outside a familiar window, a brief scan of the interior to confirm Tenten still lived there, and allowed himself a brief, tired smile as he unlatched it and slid into his teammate's living room. Dark, quiet, and the couch was in the same exact place he remembered. Only the blanket left on the end was gone, but it was the only sign that he hadn't visited in recent months.
He settled onto it with a sigh, closed his eyes and draped an arm over the broad back as he got comfortable. It seemed like his feet dangled further over the far end more than they used to, and he smiled quiet amusement. He'd grown taller. Between pleasant thoughts of that and Tenten's reaction in the morning, his mind and body finally settled enough to sleep.
When: August 12th, morning
Where: Tenten's apartment
Notes: Home is not always a refuge.
He'd learned early how to combat pressure. Growing up in Hyuuga taught him patience and control, becoming accustomed to his free will slowly being bound in chains. Chuunin instilled restraint and as a Jounin, he learned how to fall apart when those unforgiving weights became too much. And then ANBU.. ANBU had set him free.
Or so he'd thought.
Blue skies were a joy he'd only managed to appreciate for a few short months, and now the cage was closing in again. It was beautiful, gilded with promises of half-truths and pretty lies, suffocating in the way it ensnared his heart and left his wings to beat frantically against the bars. It put him at odds with himself, pinning two desperate desires against one another in a battle he could never hope to win.
His emotions were running too high and they strangled him, suffocating in a way he'd never be able to grow accustomed to. It was too much, overwhelming in a way that was at odds with all his in-borne conditioning, and he hated the lack of control almost as much as he hated the reasons behind it.
Trapped, he'd thrown himself at his mentor, breaking hard against solid rock, then breaking down until all that was left was a soul-deep exhaustion. He'd sleep then, and wake to slot together those scattered pieces of himself with a steadier mind in the morning. But even as he lay exhausted from a spar in which he'd thrown himself far past his limits, his mind refused to surrender to the healing sleep his body so desperately needed. It was never this hard before, but his thoughts wouldn't abate for long even in a meditative trance. His mind was determined to plague him with different scenarios, some better than others, but none a perfect ideal. He couldn't have both no matter what he did, and that realization made him feel sick.
He couldn't achieve total freedom and win over Temari's heart, and the darker part of him doubted whether or not he'd manage the latter anyway. He'd begun to feel reasonably confident lately, but the illusion shattered as this sudden arrangement shed a hard light on even something so simply convoluted as mild infatuation. He couldn't help but wonder that even if he were to fight, if there really was reason to, or if he was only suddenly desperate for it to be true.
With a growl, Neji turned over and cursed his clan for what felt like the hundredth time since that dreaded meeting. White eyes closed and he focused his breathing into more soothing patterns, willing himself to sleep once he'd gained more reasonable control over his thoughts again.
But sleep refused to come, and he tossed with a lingering turmoil that wouldn't settle. Neji threw off his sheets and padded to the kitchenette to set a kettle on the stove. He rubbed at his eyes and leaned against the counter to wait. He was tired, and tea to settle his nerves was a last resort this late. He could only be grateful that he'd all but moved out of the compound, because the thick atmosphere certainly would have driven him to do something drastic, but even so, his lonely apartment inspired only idle thoughts he found himself hard-pressed to be rid of or distracted from.
He briefly entertained the idea of inviting a guest, but the night was closer to morning by now and he'd rather not pull anyone from their bed, let alone endure any questions about the reasons he did so. No, he just needed to get out, go somewhere he could find some measure of peace of mind, and the answer came to him all at once.
Tenten.
He used to crash at her apartment when the compound became too much- to get away from his relatives for a night or two. But for a year now, he'd had his own space and no need to bother his teammate. It would be good for him, decided, though his body ached at the thought. It was possible the extra strain might also do him some good however, and Neji switched the stove off in a decisive movement. He dressed and left from his tiny balcony, hopping over rooftops and breathing in the warm night air as he wove over streets and across the village.
Neji landed outside a familiar window, a brief scan of the interior to confirm Tenten still lived there, and allowed himself a brief, tired smile as he unlatched it and slid into his teammate's living room. Dark, quiet, and the couch was in the same exact place he remembered. Only the blanket left on the end was gone, but it was the only sign that he hadn't visited in recent months.
He settled onto it with a sigh, closed his eyes and draped an arm over the broad back as he got comfortable. It seemed like his feet dangled further over the far end more than they used to, and he smiled quiet amusement. He'd grown taller. Between pleasant thoughts of that and Tenten's reaction in the morning, his mind and body finally settled enough to sleep.