Rock Lee (ロック・リー) [via Cager] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
awokentospring) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sunshineverse2015-04-23 11:41 pm
awokentospring) wrote in sunshineverse2015-04-23 11:41 pm
[OPEN]
Who: Rock Lee and anyone who wants to visit him!
When: April 9th (backdated)
Where: Konohagakure Hospital
Notes: After getting heavily injured during a mission a few days before, Lee is finally awake and allowed visitors. He's feeling a little down, mostly because it was his fault things wound up this way.
His chest was wrapped with bandages but the worst of his injuries were hidden under his hospital gown. However, that didn't mean Rock Lee was unaware of his blunder. He had pushed himself too far and this was the result.
Rubbing his forehead, Lee slowly eased himself back against the raised bed. Neji and Tenten were safe, mostly fine. Alive. That was what mattered. It really mattered. And it did! But...
Lee closed his eyes, feeling resigned. He had failed, and that mattered too, to Lee if not to anyone else. He was going to need to fix that.
When: April 9th (backdated)
Where: Konohagakure Hospital
Notes: After getting heavily injured during a mission a few days before, Lee is finally awake and allowed visitors. He's feeling a little down, mostly because it was his fault things wound up this way.
His chest was wrapped with bandages but the worst of his injuries were hidden under his hospital gown. However, that didn't mean Rock Lee was unaware of his blunder. He had pushed himself too far and this was the result.
Rubbing his forehead, Lee slowly eased himself back against the raised bed. Neji and Tenten were safe, mostly fine. Alive. That was what mattered. It really mattered. And it did! But...
Lee closed his eyes, feeling resigned. He had failed, and that mattered too, to Lee if not to anyone else. He was going to need to fix that.
no subject
It wasn't Neji's fault, of course. It was his duty to keep quiet about a secret organization, but still. They were teammates, practically brothers by now and yet Lee had been kept in the dark. It made him feel so miserable and left behind.
He rubbed at his face with his hands, trying to hold back burning emotions. "... I have fallen behind you."
no subject
"You don't want to follow me here, Lee. Focus on Jounin if you like, but don't set your sights on the shadows. This isn't a race, and we're not children any longer. Rank isn't half important as we're led to believe, and my ambition nearly cost you your life. There are times that I wish I was nothing more than Chuunin. I could've spent more time with the two of you, but now there's a rift I'm not sure I can mend."
no subject
"That's easy for you to say," Lee growled, trying to keep his volume low. His voice nearly broke for his efforts. "People have always taken you and your skills seriously. You have had people waiting for you just to get emotionally controlled enough to promote you."
He was breathing hard now but he managed not to shout. His hands were grasping at his sheets, fighting against just punching the wall.
"I have only my taijutsu! I only have my training, pounding myself into the earth day after day. No one expects me to go any further, or looks at me to become anything greater. This injury..." Lee reached up to his chest, "Do not make this injury all about you! You may have been careless, but I was too because, while you may not give a damn about rank, I do not want to be someone overlooked for the rest of my life!"
no subject
I'm team leader, I was supposed to protect you. He bit his tongue on those words, knew they were fruitless where Lee didn't want to hear it, and they both knew it was the truth, however much Lee might not like it. And there was no need to confirm that his promotions came very quickly after Chuunin, much as he begrudged Lee the point.
He could see it, the tight lines of tension in Lee's frame, was highly aware of the consequences of having that anger and strength thrown at him. In combination with those reflexes, he wasn't entirely confident he could stop or evade in time from this distance.
How much longer could their team hold together like this? It seemed to be breaking right in front of his eyes, and all because of his promotion to ANBU. He'd suspected there would be problems with the secrecy, but Lee was taking it much harder than he'd anticipated, and compounded by Tenten's own righteous anger..
"You don't know what you're asking for, Lee. Do you really think this is all because you can't use ninjutsu? You've graduated and passed the Chuunin Exams, proving yourself a mature, capable shinobi. No one can contest that. The only one you need to prove anything to at this point is yourself. No one else is asking you to match yourself to me."
no subject
"I do not have to prove anything. I know what I want, but it takes more than wanting something to get it. And I know I need senior jounin to recommend me for promotion! What I've been doing these past years, apparently it has not been enough." That was more frustrating than anything.
Lee turned his gaze down into his lap, the edges of his sight gathering tears. He grit his teeth.
"... That's why I pushed myself so far this last time."
no subject
"..There's more to Jounin than ninjutsu, genjutsu, or taijutsu, Lee." If he'd known ANBU might break up his team like this, that he might lose Lee because of it, he would never have joined.
"I can look at you and see recklessness, impulse, inexperience and a distinct lack of emotional control. These are the reasons you haven't been recommended, not because of your inability to mould chakra."
no subject
"Being a shinobi itself is a reckless decision when you only have taijutsu," Lee started, his voice low and dark. "Impulse it better than hesitation. Inexperience cannot be remedied by doing the same things every day, no matter how much training I accomplish."
Then Lee snorted. "I do not see where you get off saying I do not have emotional control. On the field I am always in charge of my emotions."
no subject
Neji stared into those dark eyes and twitched to keep the mask from falling into place. He did that once already, and Lee nearly lost his life. He couldn't start treating his own teammates like enemies, or he'd never stop.
He took a deep breath to calm his temper before it could bubble over and prayed he could keep it.
"Always, Lee? It was your recklessness and impulsive emotions that drove you. You lack leadership experience and an objective mind. I have no doubt that you will be a Jounin in the future, but it's not now."
no subject
"What I lack," Lee said slowly, trying to rein in his own anger, "is support. I was never chosen to be the leader on missions. It was always you!"
And there went all of Lee's patience, soaking his words in bitterness. "Because everyone thinks you are better. And perhaps they are right! But I can't not be me so..."
So this was how it was going to be. Nothing was ever going to change because that required miracles and Lee had already cheated death twice. There was nothing left for me to hope to gain beyond his current state of mediocrity. And it burned to feel it was the truth.