sunshineverse | [Closed] When things go awry, they go really awry.

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zz old game: naruto

[Closed] When things go awry, they go really awry.

Where: Konoha, Yamato's apartment
When: January 5th, morning
Notes: He has a few things to talk about.

He'd kept to himself after he and Sasuke had gotten back the afternoon prior, closing away in his office while he turned the entire situation over in his mind. It led him to several interesting conclusions. Not the least of which was that he wasn't going to talk to Gai about this at all. Nor was he going to pull Kakashi into the mess.

That made sense, for several reasons, but the part that surprised him was his own resolve to talk to someone about it anyway. Sasuke needed him to be strong, solid, so he wasn't going to reflect any of that back on the boy. Instead, he made his way to Tenzou's window, pushing it open and perching there in the early hours of the morning when he knew they man would be home, drumming his fingers on the windowsill in a request for permission to enter.

Usually he didn't go to body language, and when he used the ANBU signs his people did, it was usually just quick commands when he needed to keep them out of notice for whatever it was, be it political or simply practicality. He knew most didn't consider how well he had to know them to keep track of his people, and he never mentioned it either.

This morning, after the events of the day prior, it felt appropriate. He'd get back to normal speaking once he was invited in, he was sure. He'd kept himself seeming normal all of the evening before during office duties, after all, it would be simpel enough to get back to himself once he was in a secure situation.

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If the subtle brush of Obito's chakra hadn't alerted him, then the tapping most certainly did. Standing at the sink of his kitchenette in loose fatigues and robe, Yamato peered over his shoulder and reached for a nearby cloth to dry his hands.

"..Obito?"

In all honestly, by the knock, he'd expected Kakashi; Obito rarely offered the courtesy of announcing his presence and doing so now, ticked off several tick boxes in Yamato's head as to what type of visit it would be.
The cloth was dropped to the low table in front of his couch as he stepped closer to the window, nodding for the other man to come in and offering a warm smile.

"Come in and close the window, it's freezing out."

He nodded once as he slipped inside properly, closing the window behind him and making sure that it was latched.

Silence was weird. Silence was unlike him... but at the moment silence was easier. Mostly because he didn't know what to say or how to start.

He talked for a living, he made hard choices for a living, so why was talking hard now? What, should he just blurt something out and hope for the best? No, that wouldn't be better. It would break the silence but he wasn't sure it would be better.

Thus, he finally turned, offering Tenzou a there and gone again smile and a nod before padding away from the window, going to settle himself at the man's table. He didn't want a couch, he didn't want to invite someone being cuddly, because he knew his odd mood wasn't liable to inspire a lack of questions.

He put his elbows on the table and leaned on them, his chin resting against his fist.

Finally, he figured out where to start, and his voice was rather quiet.

"It's very different, being Hokage to being a properly active shinobi. It's much more difficult, but they're all the same thing in the end, when it comes down to it."

Yamato waited. Tracking Obito's movements, that ghost of a smile and let the silence reign. When the other man sat down, he followed; choosing to see about making tea and letting Obito speak without his scrutiny, but showing that he was listening by squeezing a slim shoulder as he passed to stand at the counter.

Something big had happened, that he knew for sure now. The Uchiha was one of the few in his family that dealt very little in silence in his every day life, unless truly content or stressed to his brink and Yamato was willing to bet the latter.

He went through the motions, completely unhurried and gave Obito the time he needed.

"I think, somewhere along the way, I got more ruthless." He frowned into the air in front of him, not sure he liked this revelation about himself.

He'd always considered himself a good person, someone who didn't want to waste life, but somewhere, his scale had tipped more toward willingness to sacrifice than it had once been at. One day, long ago, hurting anyone had been difficult, then it had been less.

In-battle kills had been mourned, but moved on from, not dwelled over in a could have, might have been. He'd gone from digging for peace to having it and getting ruthless to maintain it.

And, on some level, if he was honest with himself, he couldn't dig deep enough to feel truly guilty about deaths caused by him anymore, and he was horrified to know it. That was the root of the problem here. Somewhere along the way he'd hit the point where as long as he could keep things secure, the sacrifices were something he didn't feel guilty over.

Was that maybe the real reason he'd clung to Kakashi's mission guilt, letting it grow in his chest? Because he didn't want that ability to just... be gone?

He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. "I'm not sure I care for it."

Yamato considered this as he finished up at the counter and set the pot and two cups on the table, before taking a seat.

Obito's thoughts weren't new; they were thoughts that dogged many Shinobi, especially Jounin and ANBU agents and this wasn't the first time Yamato had watched this crisis of self unfold, yet his answer was always the same.

"It's a Shinobi's duty to protect their village, no matter the cost and that duty weighs the heaviest on that of it's Kage.." He reached forward to pour their tea, hands as steady as his voice "..We sacrifice pieces of ourselves, so that others don't have to..but that willingness doesn't make us villains, Obito.."

Yamato settled with his elbows on the table and finally lifted his gaze to study the other man properly, his own conviction in those words not wavering for an instant.

"I know, and I agree." He opened his eyes, looking at Tenzou instead of the tea, the small frown lingering for a moment more before clearing away.

Maybe this was why he'd discounted his other options. Kakashi would have internalized it... and Gai simply didn't understand it. Much as he loved the man, Gai had a kind of innocence he'd never understood fully, and he knew he wouldn't have been able to speak freely about this to him.

"Yesterday, I'm sure you're aware I was off ANBU sight for a while?" He pulled his hands from under his chin, reaching to reel in the tea and sipping it. He wanted to see if that line of communication was intact before he went further.

Yamato cradled his own cup close and offered a small smirk "I was made aware of it, yes."
And by 'made aware' he meant several urgent missives had been fired around HQ when the team on duty managed to somehow lose the Hokage. It had been a small logistical nightmare, one that finally settled down when word made it back that Obito had given fore warning; something that had been helpfully overlooked in the initial guard rotation report.

Noticing the look a small smile touched his lips, though it was fleeting. "Ah, it was like this was it? I wasn't misplaced."

He shook his head, then sipped his cup, meditatively thoughtful now as he swirled the liquid in his cup. "I was taking care of a disaster personally that related to one of my students."

The smirked melted away to be replaced with restrained concern. Obito loved his students; they might as well be his actual children for all the worry and fuss they received from the other man, but for something to be labeled as a 'disaster' meant something serious.

"Classified?"

"At the moment the only one aware of the situation other than myself is Sasuke." He took another sip of his tea. "If he doesn't decide to look into the matters that caused it himself I'll have to put a team on tracking it down. I'll give him a few days to recover enough to speak to me before doing so, but no longer than that's really something the village can afford, unfortunately."

He shook his head slightly, setting his cup down with a gentle click. "I'm currently giving him time to internalize events before anything else. He's always been the dweller of my students."

"The sooner the better, if it's mission based."

Yamato sipped his tea before setting it aside to clasp his elbows where they rested on the table. If something had gone wrong, enough that Sasuke was struggling to process, then it was best to have his recount of events over and done with, before over thinking and his own mind began twisting the events.

A slight frown furrowed the space between his eyebrows "What happened that needed your assistance?"

Sasuke was a more than capable Shinobi. So much so that it was a surprise to hear of something that he couldn't handle, especially of the mission ranks he was assigned, solo or otherwise.

"Sasuke came home in a panic because of how he was waylaid between home and his last mission, which was a rather soft one, all told." He shook his head once, lips pressing together. "Too many witnesses and it's my student, I wasn't about to leave it to anyone else. He insisted on coming with me... and I have to admit to being glad about that. It wasn't pleasant, but it's something that is out of the way now."

Ah.
So Sasuke had experienced his first clean sweep, no wonder Obito was so quiet.
"It was good that you went with him. No one should have to deal with that alone.."

He considered quietly for a moment, mulling over his next words.
"..But why this sudden regret? You assisted him in what needed to be done to protect the village, to keep you both safe..I don't see where this doubt is coming from."

"I'm not actually... feeling guilty about it. There were some rather young people involved, and because of how Sasuke handled it before coming home there was no leeway on how they should be handled but... I don't regret having dealt with it."

He shook his head, a frown on his lips as he stared intently down at his cup. "I don't know when I stopped considering every life to have importance in and of itself, instead of as it pertained to those things under my protection. Seeing how distressed Sasuke was... really highlighted that it wasn't... more than a bit hollow for me and that's what bothers me."

"..Self preservation doesn't make you a monster, Obito."
It was firm and came from a wealth of personal experience. There were untold numbers of lives lost at Yamato's hands, some perceived innocent and others most certainly not, but all taken in the fulfillment of his duty.

"if we remembered all of them, grieved for them as we would those we hold close, we'd go mad.. No one could maintain that and survive. We are defenders, fighters and work for the betterment of our village, but that doesn't change the fact that we are all foremost, trained killers and that's something that needs to be made clearer to the young ones of the village. It's something that no one should forget."

Too many times had he seen agents break down, crumble under the bloodshed, at interrogations or one long mission too many and it grieved him to watch such brave shinobi struggle to cope.

"Removing ourselves, prioritizing our resources and what's important is crucial.." He looked up and caught Obito's gaze with a strangely open look, seeming at once, very old and painfully young "..But I don't doubt for a moment that you'll feel the weight of their deaths.. just not in the way that's expected, not any more at least."

"Doing it this way will keep a threat from tearing down Konoha. More so it will keep my student safe from a vendetta he doesn't know how to handle." He examined the other man's face, a tiny, wry smile coming to his lips.

Sometimes, when it was like this, Tenzou reminded him that he was one of his closest friends, and the one he shared more confidences with than any other. Using the title of best friend wouldn't be wrong, and how odd was that? He didn't say any of that though, instead just letting out a slow breath and nodding.

"Your faith in me means a lot. I don't ever want to become a monster, and lose sight of what I believe in, but I guess sometimes I have a moment where I have to figure out if I have or not. So, thanks for reminding me my vision hasn't turned murky just yet."

He picked the cup back up, sipping at it meditatively, turning the idea over in his head. "Would it be alright if I asked you to check in on Sasuke while all this is going on? He's..." He paused, looking for words to describe the resolve he sensed in him. "I think he's going to need guidance in the choices he's going to make that has to deal with your experience more than mine."

"The fact that Sasuke's reaction affected you at all, that it made you consider your own reactions, is proof that you're not that far gone yet.. But I'll keep both eyes on you though, just in case."

It was said with a soft smile and in response to the request he nodded, brows drawn up in surprise. "Of course. I- Well, I haven't had all that much contact with him, but I'm sure I can think of something.."

He knew a great deal about Obito's students, but besides the odd run in here and there, his contact with any of them had been pretty limited. For the sake of Sasuke's sanity though? he'd make sure he sought the younger Uchiha out.

He relaxed a little at the assurance that Tenzou would keep an eye that he remained himself, and on noting the surprise that he had over the Sasuke request... felt the need to explain.

"He was horrified at the idea of either of hs teammates ever having to deal with this sort of situation in any way. He's also incredibly protective... So I believe he might be setting his eyes on ANBU, or something else in that realm. It's not clear as of yet. So... I'm asking you. You're the best person for it, after all, even f I've known him longer, I believe an objective ear would do him better."

Yamato scoffed at that, sipping his tea and then rolling the empty cup between his hands in thought.

"That's an instinct he'll have to lose quickly if he wants to be successful..He means well, I know, but getting in the way of other's progress, especially those you care about, will do more harm than good."

He reached for the pot to refill their cups and shot Obito a wry smile. "Getting in the way gets people killed and that's not something I'd ever want to see of Sasuke's conscience."

it was surprisingly easy now to be free in his thoughts with the other man and Yamato felt quietly surprised. Usually only Kakashi or Yukimi were privy to his more dower opinions but something had changed, something for the better and the words rolled easily without the permission to speak freely.

He let out a faint laugh and sighed, shaking his head. "He's a little idiot sometimes, it's true, but it's only because he cares too much. Curse of the family I suppose."

He shifted, settling back in his chair as he picked up his tea to sip at, posture easing to something more open. "I've had to smack some sense into him about what is considered acceptable harm to those under his guidance and what is considered a significant loss. I dread the day he loses someone on a mission, and while I hope it never happens... I think he'd finally understand better."

He peered up at the ceiling for a moment, thoughtful. "I think this already opened his eyes to some things he couldn't see before." He glanced back to Tenzou. "When I was his age I couldn't handle it gracefully at all so I think he's doing pretty well, all told. He's finally learning to wear a front at least."

"A front isn't enough though.."

Yamato held his cup close, soaking up the warmth of the fresh tea and regarded the middle distance with a frown.

"He needs to process and accept what happened, not during the mission of course, but the sooner he learns that he needs to deal with the emotions he packs away for the sake of a mission or others, the better he'll be in the long run."

it was speaking from experience again and one of the few lessons that Kakashi had been strict with, even if it wasn't with himself. Yamato had suffered from the complete opposite until the Jounin had pulled him up on it; blood on his hands had little affect on his younger self and it was a worrying trait that Kakashi talked him out of, making sure he understood the weight of every death, that they had meaning.

It didn't always help him sleep at night, but it was enough to keep him grounded, to keep him human in the worst day's they'd shared.

"Ah... I'm not worried about that. I'm keeping a close watch on him but it was hard to keep him removed enough to handle it at the time. No, I'm more worried that he hasn't learned how to keep his emotional upsets from showing like a neon sign. That kind of front, so people don't call him on things he needs to keep to himself."

He shook his head and sighed. "He's a jounin now, it's a skill he has to have."

"Ah, then yes. His poker face seems to be decent enough outside of stressful situations.. I'm sure he'll be able to use that better soon enough."
Yamato had seen Sasuke's ability to dead pan once or twice while on guard duty, there potential was there, he just needed to focus on the internal ground work first. He made a mental note, already planning out exactly what he could do to aid Sasuke the most.

"Yeah, pretty much." He was quiet for a moment, observing him as the other man settled into thought. "What can I say, I worry about my students, him more than the other two, usually."

Yamato shot him a fond look, roused from his musing to reply "It's a healthy worry though. These students will go on to have their own and the village will be in their hands one day.. Leaving unfinished foundations behind you is no way to keep anyone safe in the long run."

He didn't always agree with the amount of leeway given to many of the younger shinobi, but Yamato was also aware of a large missing chunk of his own development and if it was important enough that others wanted it protected, then he would do so with minimal complaint.

"Yeah, pretty much. I know eventually someone's going to end up with a burden I set on them... so I want to make sure that they're capable. I don't want to be what makes this village falter and fall." He shook his head and let out a soft breath, looking over at him. "You see my reasoning?"

Yamato nodded his agreement, leaning in to rest his elbows on the table and quirked a pleased smile. "I do, and you're not alone in it either."

The list of things that Yamato wouldn't do for the village, was worryingly small but neither of them would be around forever, so it would always be important to keep the next generation focused and give them what they needed to carry on regardless of who was lost.

He looked at him thoughtfully at that point, head tilting just a little as he evaluated him. "Have you ever considered having a student or three? Not... like mentoring someone trained, but being responsible for them from genin up?"

Yamato shot him an owlish look, shaking his head in a vague looking negative.

"..Not particularly no.."

The question had clearly thrown him for a loop and he immediately gave it some further thought, but couldn't help but think that there were people far better suited to such a task than him; Iruka for one, Kakashi, even Neji sprang to mind though his teammate was a little young.. Not once had it occurred to him as an option for himself and he quickly surmised why.

"it's not..something I've ever seen myself doing."

Children where not beings that he spent any incredible amount of time with and though he had over five years as a Captain under his belt, the idea of training and coordinating such helpless shinobi, left him feeling largely at a loss.

He laughed softly at the look on his face. Oh man, that was super cute, and his smile was incredibly fond.

"I can't say I'm terribly surprised... but you're patient, and protective, not to mention observant, so I can't say you're ill-suited if you ever decide to give it a try."

He blushed at the small string of compliments, flickering his gaze away somewhat bashfully.

"Ah, perhaps someday but..I feel more useful in the capacity I already fill. There are shinobi far better suited for that job anyway.."

Yamato had no doubt that if he were ordered to, he could put his mind to it and certainly be a passable Sensei, but if he was entirely honest village born and bread children, well..scared him.

There were swathes of development that even now he didn't quite see the point of or understand, simply because he had no memory of his own or no closer reference. All the information he had was second hand; tales that Obito spun about his team and the odd visit with Kushina-sama or Tae-san's chatter of the students she knew. Of course he'd endeavored to fill the gaps in his knowledge, but how could he be sure it was enough? No, for now, it wasn't something that he would entertain, not willingly anyway.

"I know. Sooner or later you'll figure out everything you're supposed to be learning out here so you can tuck back into that properly." He paused a moment, giving him a lopsided smile.

"If there's the time for that anyway. But, that I think you'll do good still stands."

He nodded, beating back the blush but there was a smile there too.

"..Well thank you, I'll keep it in mind if I make it to retirement."

"I have no doubt in my mind I'll have to shove you into retirement eventually, and that you'll get there." He grinned, then shook his head, happy things were, finally, back to somewhere how they should be between them.

It meant that the rest of the visit would go well.

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[Closed] When things go awry, they go really awry.

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Caaalling this done? 8D

Done it is!