sunshineverse | [Closed] Enough cousin

"It wasn't such a big deal to be telling you about in the first place."

And after hearing that bit about Sakura possibly being assigned as an envoy to Ame, he takes a step back. He should have figured; nothing good ever did come out of talking to anybody. "Che. Of course. Whatever. It's not going to hurt either way." Because it was terribly casual, and Sakura was a fast learner. He didn't think she'd have very many problems catching up during what little time she had.

But why was he so sour about the news? Yeah, because it just somehow felt like everything was falling apart around him. And Obito was awful at solving problems. |:

"If it's not such a big deal, you would have told me instead of hiding it from me." He stared at him, then snorted. "I'll see what I can do about not sending her, since you've actually confirmed she has a reason not to leave the village for three months following the exams."

"I wasn't hiding!" Not on purpose! "I just didn't think it was something important enough to tell you." Okay, shrugging, that wasn't all true. "I just .. didn't think it'd be that big a deal."

"Just... stop Shisui." He shook his head and looked away from him, turning so his feet was dangling off the roof again. "You wanted to run right? Had things to do?"

Shisui sucked in a breath, holding back biting words to that. He looked away sharply, scowling at the darkening sky till he calmed down some, and then sighed, taking a few steps closer to Obito when he felt calmer.

"You think I was holding back things from you because I don't trust you." That wasn't even a question. "Sometimes you're so set on your own presumptions, you convince yourself that I hate you. When that's never been the case. If there's any reason why it's so hard for me to come to you for anything, it's because I'm almost always pretty sure you think I'm some kind of snob. Or something. Because that's the vibe I'm getting."

"I've never thought you hated me. I've never thought you felt you were better than me either." He lifted his chin, looking sideways at him. "I just feel like you don't trust me, and apparently, to some degree that's true, if you're with holding such important information from me. Not even from me personally, but from me as Hokage."

He looked forward again, shaking his head. His voice got quieter. "But that isn't the point Shisui. I've always gotten the impression that you dislike me. I grate on you. You go out of your way to avoid me. If that's not the case you've given a fairly good facsimile. And honestly, I understand. I've never been close to anyone in the clan except maybe Itachi and Sasuke, really, as you are. You may have moved away from them but you never ran. It's too much to expect you to act any way other than the way you do. But please, Shisui, could you not extend it past the personal and into the professional too?"

This time he actually made the move to return to his old seat, legs hanging over the edge of the roof.

"I didn't think this was that important to tell anyone. If it helps-- I haven't even told Itachi." And Obito is pulling that 'I never really fit in with the clan' thing again, which makes Shisui frown. "There were reasons why I decided not to tell, besides assuming her training as something rather casual. She is a fast learner after all, and she's been taking leaps and bounds in her work." He fidgets for a bit, then leans over, elbows pressing into knees again. "I didn't want the clan to find out. It's... It might look like I'm selling sharingan secrets, but--" Mrr, he's sighing again. "I guess I am, huh?"

But he pushes that aside to address the more important problem staring them in their face at the moment.

"Maybe your impression of me was built on a false basis then, because I don't dislike you. I've never disliked you. I may not be as close to anyone, not even Sasuke, as I am to Itachi, but that does not by default mean that I dislike you, Obito. And if I avoid you, it's only because I know you're going to pester me for some kind of information that I'd rather keep to myself." He glanced at the other from his spot then. "Believe it or not, I think I consider myself close to you than most people, though not at the same level as Itachi which... I think you'd understand. I don't know how different it needs to be for you to believe me, I--"

He shook his head, clearly at a loss as to what he needed to do to fix things.

"It wasn't just the student thing, though... I've suspected there was something on that front for a while. No, it was the mission thing. You can't up and hide things from me Shisui. Not international things when the alliance is so..." He paused, unable to articulate that heavy sense that something was wrong with it, when it seemed like it was perfect. "When the smaller countries are acting so strangely."

"What do you think I'm going to do? I don't punish people for things that need to happen if I can avoid it, and I don't like that you put me at risk of having to do so. Or worse, compromised the village by keeping the information when they apparently weren't going to give it to me. It could have become leverage to get you killed." He turned a glare on him for that, then drew a deep breath and looked away, calming himself.

"If you consider me closer than most, I'd love to know how you view other people, because I may fumble with you, but I honestly get the impression that you're happy not knowing me at all. If I pester you, it's because it gets me better results than anything else I've tried."

"...I apologize for withholding information about the mission," he mumbles, shifting closer to the edge. It takes him a while to say anything at all, struggling with himself, for words. "I just-- I. I wasn't thinking." He grips the tiles of the roof a little harder. "I was selfish and..." Afraid? No. "Ashamed..." A pause. "I know those aren't excuses, and I'm sorry..." He wasn't going to be cocky and claim he could have escaped assassination or something either. That would be going nowhere, and Shisui was that kind of person who would march to his own execution without a fuss, so talking about how he deserved to be killed really wouldn't do anyone any good at all.

"If it's any consolation, which I... know it's not-- I had assumed they would send you a report as well, which was partly the reason why I didn't end things the way I usually do." That they wouldn't trace the M.O. back to him, or at least, not right away. Shisui usually killed swiftly, a clean slash across the neck from which his victims bled out and wilted into lifelessness in a matter of seconds. Or, occasionally, a quick decapitation. He'd never been known to drag things out. That was outside of Uchiha Shisui's character. He wasn't a man who sought out pleasure in torture. Instead, he usually did everything in his power to try and avoid it.

But what bothered him the most at the moment was being accused of not being 'close enough'. It frustrated, visibly, if the whitening of his knuckles was any indication.

"Obito," he started, pausing first to find words to give his feelings on this matter some sort of comprehension. "I don't think it's fair to assume that somebody ought to be a certain way with you in order for you to accept where they're coming from." He turned then to look him straight in the eye. "I am not you, I don't think like you do, and your expectations are clearly different from mine; but what I get from what you're telling me know is that you are asking me to bend over backwards just to fit into your idea of whatever 'being close' means to you. Perhaps you ought to spell it out for me so I can maybe make the effort to do so, because you don't trust me enough to believe me when I say I do consider you close to me. That I do trust you."

What did Obito want? A comparison to his relationship with Itachi? That was, in Shisui's opinion, incomparable. It warranted no such thing, and he felt it would prove nothing to do so either.

"I don't understand where you're coming up with the idea that I'd rather be happy not knowing you at all. Was I supposed to have treated you as special because we’re family and we’re closer in age? You talk of the clan, and I know you aren’t as close to most of them as I am. Am I at fault for choosing to be close to them as well as you? What do you think I have against you? How about let’s start there—what do you think I have against you? And what the hell is that supposed to mean, how I view other people? You’re taking offense for me being me.”

Sure, he was angry. Just a little bit. It was more frustration than anger, though. He didn’t understand why Obito would even think this way of him. There was a moment’s pause as he thought about the last thing Obito had said.

“And about pestering me. Have you considered that I’m just not the kind of person who opens up to anybody? Have you stopped to consider that perhaps the way you go about it sometimes stresses me out even more than I already would be at the time? I’ve never really been good with words when it comes to talking about myself. You can ask Itachi if you want to; he’ll attest to it.”

It was a bit hard to make eye contact with someone who was staring steadily into the trees of a training field some nebulous distance straight in front of him. Even as Shisui talked, his hands pressed more firmly against the rooftop. body still and taught. Unusual considering his tendency to fidget around.

"There's a difference between opening up and keeping secrets. It's not the first time you've done something like this, I know it. Before I was Hokage, fine, it didn't matter, as long as you told Sensei what he needed to know it was none of my business. At that point if you wanted to be none of my business, then fine, I'd ask and get brushed off, it was standard with you."

He dipped his head, gaze changing from trees to a rooftop that was closer. "What is it you think I'm after? I never expect you to give me anything, to care one way or another about me, most of the time. So you're close to my age, all that gave me when we were young was incentive to stay the hell away from you, and when I was older, well, it was a bit late and you had all these opinions about what kind of person I was. Like now, you're putting words in my mouth. Assuming I'm trying to change you. That I want you to treat me like I'm Itachi."

He gave a snort, shifting his hands to the edge of the roof to grip it in a tight hold. His voice had stayed composed, painfully low and even through the entirety of what he was saying.

He hadn't looked at him once.

"Don't talk to me about how I don't trust you, when you keep going out of your way to not trust me with simple things. You hid your student from me because I'm an Uchiha, if your words were any indication. Not because I'm Obito and you thought I would do anything, but because of the fucking clan. Go figure."

His voice rose a bit at the end of that, then went flat on the last two words, and he shook his head slowly, head tipping further down after to stare at the street right below.

"You don't get to declare I don't trust you when I gave you months of chances to tell me anything, a wait which was clearly in vain as you never intended to tell me a word. I trust you as much as I can, but being related doesn't get you an automatic pass into my absolute confidence. If anything I know that makes it harder for me and I get that that's messed up, but guess what, it is how it is. I work around it, through it, and try my best to get over it. I throw chances at you, and you brush them aside because I'm just pestering you so obviously I have no idea what being sincere means."

He took a deep breath, aware he sounded bitter at that, and he stopped, closing his eyes. Not the time to get overemotional. Definitely not the time to cry, so he just held still and breathed.

Edited 2014-06-12 08:42 (UTC)

Shisui listened, having to fight the urge to cut him in between and say something. This conversation really was the worst; he’d already had a whole lot of other things going on, and here he was, having a ‘chat’ with the Hokage about how the man was butthurt over him never really ‘opening up’ or ‘trusting him’. Like he expected Shisui to turn around and completely do over the minute he became Hokage.

Shisui was nearly thirty; there was no easy way to change old habits now. And the moment Obito stopped, Shisui began, voice raised by a few decibels, facing the other now. He didn’t care if Obito was going to look at him or not.

“No. You don’t talk to me about why I ought to do a complete 180 and change everything about myself. Did you even hear yourself speak?” He was fine with being reprimanded for not divulging information about the mission, but everything else? He wasn’t going to stand for it.

“And I’m not assuming. Because you are telling me to change. You never bothered with me when we were younger. In your words, you decided to ‘stay the hell away from me’. It wasn’t me who had the misinformed opinions if you were the one staying away from me. It was you! And after years of doing so, do you expect me to feel free around you, to open up and tell you every damn thing?! I didn’t know what your problem was then and I sure as hell still don’t know what it is now. I thought I made you uncomfortable, and stayed away. My attempts at befriending you when we were younger were brushed aside. What did you want me to do? Stay fixated on you like a lovestruck teenager and pursue you regardless of how it made you feel? And what was I supposed to think? I always thought you didn’t like me; your attitude towards me when we were younger gave me no other option but to settle with the notion that you had much rather I never existed. And that’s what I got used to doing-- going along with it. So don’t accuse me of having formed false opinions of you when you were the first to do so. And if you recall, I asked you once. I was twelve then. I asked you what your deal was, and you just up and walked away. You you tell me what I was supposed to do with that.”

Shisui hadn’t even begun to address the part where Obito ranted about how he’d gone behind his back and kept secrets from him about occasionally tutoring Sakura.

“As for me not coming to you about simple things. I ask you why it should be different with you when it wasn’t a problem for anyone that I taught Itachi? Why? Is teaching Sakura as casually as I had taught Itachi any different? Is it because she isn’t family? Is it because Itachi’s my best friend, and she isn’t? Is it because she isn’t Uchiha? Where is the harm in two people sparring when they have free time? Where is the harm in doing something that would benefit Konoha? What is your bloody problem?! I didn’t think it was any different what it was back then so I didn’t come to you. As time progressed, she did too, going into some of the really advanced techniques, which is when I began to get concerned about our ‘training sessions’ becoming public information. I didn’t tell you not because you were Uchiha, or Obito; I just didn’t want to tell anybody, period. I was concerned that there will be major issues with the news if the clan found out, too, and you being Uchiha may have added to things, but stop taking everything personally, Obito! It’s not always about you!”

Shisui clearly was bordering on livid. He was being accused of being insincere; he was accused of being everything he wasn’t. Secretive, yes, but that was how Uchiha Shisui worked. That had always been how he’d worked.

“Insincere. Hah.” That-- sounded more flat than anything. Because under all that anger was a tremendous amount of hurt. “Uncaring, huh. Even when you fell under that ro--” He managed to accidentally pull out a roof tile then, using it as an excuse to change his course of conversation. There was no need to dredge up old wounds now. Nobody needed to know. “Being related doesn’t get an automatic pass into anybody’s confidence.” He sighs at that, finally fixing that tile. “I don’t have to sit here proving my sincerity or whatever. Tell me what you want from me and I’ll do it, as long as it’s within my means, if it’d make you stop with your assumptions.”

How long had it been since he'd been reduced to frustrated tears? A long time, and he brought his hand up to scrub at his eyes, frustrated and angry and feeling his control slipping as he picked out all the ways Shisui was ignoring what he was saying for what he thought he was saying.

"Shisui, you've gone out of your way to hide the association. You never hid that you worked with Itachi. Don't compare it. Your training of her changes what would be her assignments, believe it or not. It's something that I, as the person giving assignments, needs to know. What if someone had found out and I didn't know Shisui? What if it was an enemy you had? Don't say I think everything is all about me when this isn't even about you. I gave you the chance to come to me because you were the one with the damn information. Not to make you stop, just to fucking tell me. It's a little thing that could have blown into a very big thing very easily. I didn't ask you to confide your feelings in me." He looked over at him, his natural eye crimson, the other dark, and tears in both.

"I didn't ask you to change, I asked you to make sure I know things I need to know. Yeah, I did damage to any relationship we could've had when I was a kid avoiding you to keep away from the people around you. One of the cousins that was always on your heels genjutsu'ed me once you know, ended up with me taking an unprepared dive down the stairs at one of the temples. Sorry I didn't want to share. It was hardly the only thing, and people in our age bracket were the worst of the lot. So, sorry if you took it personally, but it was never you, and by the time they went the hell away it was a little late and you'd decided I thought I was too good for you or something."

He waved his hand through the air as though brushing it off, looking away from him again as he scrubbed at his eyes. "So stop making it about me trying to get into your damn feelings, and stop treating me like I don't need to know anything. Because sorry. The fucking Hokage needs to fucking know what's going on with his shinobi."

Edited 2014-06-13 04:23 (UTC)

"I'll have you know that we did carry out sessions in secret. Because it was nobody's fucking business to know." They had their own private little place where they did things together, Itachi and him.

"And no, it doesn't change a fucking thing! There is no fixed schedule to this so-called 'training'. You're making it sound so very official when it really isn't. And what if somebody found out? What if somebody found out?! What are they going to do about it? Nothing! If an enemy found out, they'll be running back to the hole where they came from because she is exceptionally talented and they ought to be running. It's a little thing that's as normal as a brother teaching his little sister; you're the one turning this into a big-ass deal!" Shisui's eyes were crimson as well, though none of his were holding back tears. He could punch him in the face for beginning to cry, too, because -- and he'd never say it out loud -- it was tugging on his heartstrings and he hated it.

"And stop fucking assuming that I assumed shit about you!" Okay, he was about ready to stand on that rooftop, fists clenched in his lap as it were. "Sorry that I didn't want to share; sorry you took it personally; sorry this sorry that. Fuck you! You get this right! I never assumed you were too good for me. And it's your goddamned fault you made it look like I had done something wrong to you."

He was beyond frustrated that he wasn't getting through to the damn Hokage. "I apologize for not telling you certain details about the mission, and I swear to you that it won't happen again. In that matter I take full responsibility and your admonishment is warranted. Hell, I was expecting a punishment; and I'd gladly take that too. But I still stand by the fact that training with Sakura is none of your damn business. Don't assume I'm an idiot on top of all the other assumptions you have going on for me. I've done this before and I know what I'm doing. The Hokage doesn't need to know every fucking thing his shinobi do, especially if it's in no way harmful to the village they serve. A Hokage ought to know his shinobi well enough to trust that they wouldn't be doing something like plotting to bring the village down. And you, as Hokage, only have a pile of assumptions to describe me. I'm not surprised that you would even choose to react so."

He only paused to breathe, carrying on soon after he'd sucked in that next breath: "And for the record, I've always cared about you, even if I don't seem to outwardly show it." Shisui stood, stepping away from the edge of the roof so there wasn't any room for accidents-- like a loose tile. "If I didn't, I wouldn't have been the only one in our fucking clan demanding that somebody go back to fetch you."

When you fell. Under that goddamned rock.

You idiot.

I would never let you down.

His head whipped around at the last words, breath sucking in with pure shock that drove everything else he'd been about to say right out of his head. He'd fully intended to point out where Shisui was failing to hear him, but that died out before it could ever reach his lips.

Instead his eyes were a little wide, and his shock kept him from scrubbing at the tears as he raked his memories trying to remember if he'd ever been told this. He didn't remember being told this. Had it been while he'd been unconscious those first few months home? At all?

His voice was quavery, confused. "You what?"

No, nobody would have told him. Nobody bothered to. Because in the end, it wasn't anybody from the clan that had gone back to retrieve him. Shisui had kept things to himself. Because why would Obito want to believe it anyway?

For family. He'd raised his voice that day for family. Because Obito had been one of them, was one of them, was a citizen of Konoha. Even if he'd been dead, they needed to bring back his body. They needed to give him a funeral befitting a shinobi. They needed to remember him.

Nobody gave a rat's ass about a twelve year old speaking their mind that day.

Shisui sighs at the question, though. "Nothing." And looks away, down towards a few other rooftops further below. He couldn't bring himself to look at Obito; why did he have to cry?! And he adds, mumbling: "Sorry about not telling you about Sakura anyway. But if it helps." He paused here. "She's fantastic. She could be the next Toka Senju."

Here's hoping that was a bit of good news.

He just... watched him, unable to think of any words for a few beats before finally scrubbing at his face and taking in a quavering breath with a shaky laugh. "She's a chunin. Your enemies would be another level." It was very softly said, and he sniffled, not looking away.

"Now the other part. It's not nothing."

"She maybe Chuunin, but she might have enough as it is if she ever wanted to step up to Jounin." Shisui, meanwhile, was having a hard time looking at him. He glanced at Obito, then back at the tree growing close to the building they were standing on. Thank goodness it was a fancy restaurant and not a residential location or they would have had to deal with angry residents.

He sighs, shoulders drooping just a bit. "See, this is what I was talking about. Why can't we just leave things at that and move on?" But-- "...What about it."

His full focus swings to the topic that was rattling him. And damn if his earlier frustration wasn't easing into another wholly tear inappropriate mess of emotions. He swiped at his face again, taking a shaky breath and just... staring.

Yep, still with the quaver. "You wanted to get me?"

Sighing. So much sighing. It's the only way he can excuse himself from having to look at Obito, lowering his gaze instead and biting on his lower lip. Don't cry, damnit!

"Yeah, so? You were family. You were a citizen of Konoha. I didn't see why you should have been left behind. Even if you were dead..." His words grew quiet then. "We don't desert our comrades."

Edited 2014-06-13 06:48 (UTC)

"Because I know no one else did anything." It was a soft, quiet statement, and he took another careful breath, using both hands to scrub at his face as he looked away.

"Hey. Stop that. You'll peel your face right off with all the salt." He crosses his arms then, glancing up at Obito once more. Still scrubbing his face, wow.

"Mm. The clan always seems to be having stupid priorities at the worst of times." Shisui contemplates taking a step closer, but instead choosing to sit down again, swinging his legs over the edge of the roof and quietly watching people stroll past down on the street below. The soft glow of the evening lights added an odd sort of serenity to the scene.

He was quiet a long moment.

"I'm glad they found you alive, though. I'm glad somebody went looking for you. Or we wouldn't be having this conversation and pissing off all the restaurant's customers. Did you want to grab a bite as compensation for the cussing out on top of a family restaurant?"

Edited 2014-06-13 07:14 (UTC)

He lowered his hands, eyes finally dryish and both dark. At least he managed to mostly get a grip on himself. He was still a bit off keel, of course, reeling inwardly, but he was getting a handle on it. "I- Okay."

Shisui huffed, still a little awkward about things. It didn't feel entirely resolved. He reached for the other, and instead of patting the man on the back or shoulder, punched him lightly in the arm. "I'll come talk to you about things in the future." Grudgingly said. Shisui could be stubborn-- for all of 48 hours, but then come around completely after that.

"Let's go."

This time, he smiled. A genuine one.

"That would be good." It was a murmur, and he returned the smile with one of his own that was a lot smaller and shyer than he usually gave before he pushed up to his feet, glancing away.

"Shall we?"

Unfortunately, that bitty shy smile reminded him of Hinata, and Shisui's blushing somewhat. Here's hoping it wasn't too visible now that it was evening! There was something he didn't want to talk about with anyone because that was, frankly, ridiculously embarrassing.

"Yes, yes. Let's go--" Hurrying the other off with a nudge.

He'll be jumping off that roof in a second now.

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thebestuchiha - 2014-06-14 06:40 (UTC) - Expand

[Closed] Enough cousin

shisui was almost getting the wrong impression there--

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wow Shisui, smooth. Treating the Hokage after all that drama

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