The admittance of trust was enough to relieve the tension in his frame..but it came right back again with a vengeance at Gai's next question. He couldn't mask the surprise or how much it caught him off guard and he visibly floundered for an answer. "..What we are? I, well- I mean, I can't speak for Kakashi-senpai..you'd have to ask him yourself but.." Yamato dropped his gaze, trying to come up with an explanation without making more of a complete fool of himself than he already was.
"We were friends- are friends? I-" He pursed his lips in frustration; so much of what he thought of Kakashi, was past tense and even then, all he had to go on were unspoken moments, routines and behaviours, that could point to anything in the spectrum of labels between them; but after a moment, he took in a breath and forced himself calm, laying out what little he could for Gai to inspect.
"..Kakashi was one of the first people I ever trusted and not just with my life- that part was easy- I trusted him with my thoughts, with aspects of myself that I'd been trained not to share with anyone. So I considered him a friend..a very dear one." That was probably the understatement of the year, considering what it had felt like to think he'd lost the Jounin, but no one else needed to see that weakness and he rubbed distractedly at his chin, re-lacing his fingers before continuing. "But he's a comrade also, someone I respect greatly, as well as a past mentor..Even if he never recognised me as any sort of actual Kouhai, it was my way of showing I was thankful that he stuck by me.."
Yamato had no idea where the words were coming from; these were things that he had never discussed with anyone else, but under Gai's steady gaze, each thought scrambled out while it had the chance.
"There was a time when there was no one else I would have preferred to have at my back in a battle, but I accepted a long time ago that it couldn't be that way any more and I don't expect that now. Whatever the root or meaning of our fights, I know now that they should have stayed back there, in the past..and it's not something that I plan to ever let happen again."
That final part was said with his eyes on Gai, trying to convey that he wasn't expecting anything of Kakashi and more importantly, was no kind of threat to the Rivalry he knew they both held dear. Yamato had developed ways to cope in the interim anyway; trips to the grove were favourite and there were several parts of the forest surrounding the village now, so thick with tree growth, that it was a wonder travellers found them at all.
A wry smile touched his lips at the thought and he shrugged, mind finally unwilling to offer anything more. "Now though? I guess we're fellow Shinobi, with history together and too much baggage, but I would like to consider him a friend. He's still my closest tie on this side of the village after all.."
no subject
He couldn't mask the surprise or how much it caught him off guard and he visibly floundered for an answer.
"..What we are? I, well- I mean, I can't speak for Kakashi-senpai..you'd have to ask him yourself but.." Yamato dropped his gaze, trying to come up with an explanation without making more of a complete fool of himself than he already was.
"We were friends- are friends? I-" He pursed his lips in frustration; so much of what he thought of Kakashi, was past tense and even then, all he had to go on were unspoken moments, routines and behaviours, that could point to anything in the spectrum of labels between them; but after a moment, he took in a breath and forced himself calm, laying out what little he could for Gai to inspect.
"..Kakashi was one of the first people I ever trusted and not just with my life- that part was easy- I trusted him with my thoughts, with aspects of myself that I'd been trained not to share with anyone. So I considered him a friend..a very dear one." That was probably the understatement of the year, considering what it had felt like to think he'd lost the Jounin, but no one else needed to see that weakness and he rubbed distractedly at his chin, re-lacing his fingers before continuing.
"But he's a comrade also, someone I respect greatly, as well as a past mentor..Even if he never recognised me as any sort of actual Kouhai, it was my way of showing I was thankful that he stuck by me.."
Yamato had no idea where the words were coming from; these were things that he had never discussed with anyone else, but under Gai's steady gaze, each thought scrambled out while it had the chance.
"There was a time when there was no one else I would have preferred to have at my back in a battle, but I accepted a long time ago that it couldn't be that way any more and I don't expect that now. Whatever the root or meaning of our fights, I know now that they should have stayed back there, in the past..and it's not something that I plan to ever let happen again."
That final part was said with his eyes on Gai, trying to convey that he wasn't expecting anything of Kakashi and more importantly, was no kind of threat to the Rivalry he knew they both held dear. Yamato had developed ways to cope in the interim anyway; trips to the grove were favourite and there were several parts of the forest surrounding the village now, so thick with tree growth, that it was a wonder travellers found them at all.
A wry smile touched his lips at the thought and he shrugged, mind finally unwilling to offer anything more.
"Now though? I guess we're fellow Shinobi, with history together and too much baggage, but I would like to consider him a friend. He's still my closest tie on this side of the village after all.."