[Closed] Some people will surprise you..

[mokutonno]

 

Who: Yamato and Gai

When: 10th October - Early evening

Where: Gai’s apartment

What: Yamato finally approaches Gai about the fight

Yamato’s evening with Obito had been more of a revelation than he’d expected and it was with that in mind, that he finally dropped by Gai’s home on his way back from the training grounds.

He knew that the Jounin was still resting from the injuries he’d sustained on mission and hoped to catch him for long enough to explain himself and to apologise.

As he neared the door, he couldn't help but sigh; with any luck, the events of the past month or so would not have soured Gai’s opinion of him, but there was always that doubt and given his status as Neji’s mentor, well… It didn't rest will with Yamato to leave this conversation any longer.

Chakra unmasked, he knocked firmly on the closed surface before him and settled with his hands behind his back to wait.

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[mokutonno]

The admittance of trust was enough to relieve the tension in his frame..but it came right back again with a vengeance at Gai's next question.
He couldn't mask the surprise or how much it caught him off guard and he visibly floundered for an answer.
"..What we are? I, well- I mean, I can't speak for Kakashi-senpai..you'd have to ask him yourself but.." Yamato dropped his gaze, trying to come up with an explanation without making more of a complete fool of himself than he already was.

"We were friends- are friends? I-" He pursed his lips in frustration; so much of what he thought of Kakashi, was past tense and even then, all he had to go on were unspoken moments, routines and behaviours, that could point to anything in the spectrum of labels between them; but after a moment, he took in a breath and forced himself calm, laying out what little he could for Gai to inspect.

"..Kakashi was one of the first people I ever trusted and not just with my life- that part was easy- I trusted him with my thoughts, with aspects of myself that I'd been trained not to share with anyone. So I considered him a friend..a very dear one." That was probably the understatement of the year, considering what it had felt like to think he'd lost the Jounin, but no one else needed to see that weakness and he rubbed distractedly at his chin, re-lacing his fingers before continuing.
"But he's a comrade also, someone I respect greatly, as well as a past mentor..Even if he never recognised me as any sort of actual Kouhai, it was my way of showing I was thankful that he stuck by me.."

Yamato had no idea where the words were coming from; these were things that he had never discussed with anyone else, but under Gai's steady gaze, each thought scrambled out while it had the chance.

"There was a time when there was no one else I would have preferred to have at my back in a battle, but I accepted a long time ago that it couldn't be that way any more and I don't expect that now. Whatever the root or meaning of our fights, I know now that they should have stayed back there, in the past..and it's not something that I plan to ever let happen again."

That final part was said with his eyes on Gai, trying to convey that he wasn't expecting anything of Kakashi and more importantly, was no kind of threat to the Rivalry he knew they both held dear. Yamato had developed ways to cope in the interim anyway; trips to the grove were favourite and there were several parts of the forest surrounding the village now, so thick with tree growth, that it was a wonder travellers found them at all.

A wry smile touched his lips at the thought and he shrugged, mind finally unwilling to offer anything more.
"Now though? I guess we're fellow Shinobi, with history together and too much baggage, but I would like to consider him a friend. He's still my closest tie on this side of the village after all.."

//I am sorry for the lateness and I am extra sorry if this doesn't work

[morningpeacock]

Yamato's words hit a tender spot for Gai, speaking in many ways to his own bond with Kakashi. That youth, that uncertainty, that closeness. Even just that need for closeness, despite ANBU. Gai couldn't understand not being able to be that close with someone, freely. No wonder Yamato was making such poor decisions, having to restrain himself like that was ridiculous. It was stifling one's humanity, one's life-force and youth! (Yamato needed a Rival--but not Kakashi. Gai was not sharing!)

Surely because of this relationship Yamato understood Gai's point of view, and Gai's desire to be protective of Kakashi (even to the point of selfishness; there was, after all, selfishness in Yamato's choices)? At least he accepted that Kakashi had to move past this point, that he couldn't keep a foot in both ANBU and village life, straddling the fence, and continue that way. It wouldn't work. Kakashi had to settle where he belonged: as a member of the village, not as ANBU and not fighting Yamato in dangerous bouts to deal with the tension of not choosing his place. Hopefully this would be resolved, or as resolved as Kakashi ever was.

He felt a little bit of kinship to Yamato, begrudgingly. They weren't so different. They both loved Kakashi dearly. It was just hard, because Gai was selfish, Kakashi was so wholly important to Gai, and he could see in Yamato a bit of Kakashi and thus what Kakashi might be drawn to. And it felt like there were so many parcels of Kakashi divided out to other people, things these people (Obito, Rin, Yamato, Minato...etc etc etc) could give Kakashi that Gai somehow couldn't. Obito was his teammate, his eye, his life. Yamato was his ANBU, his service to Konoha. Minato, his mentor. ...And Gai? He felt inadequate for his greatest friend.

Those were not thoughts he wanted to have in front of Yamato.

He offered Yamato a soft smile and put aside the thoughts. "I hope he continues to tie you to this side of the village." That was a difficult spot to be in. Maybe it was not a good position for Kakashi, when Kakashi himself still needed to be grounded. But as much as Gai didn't know, or particularly like, Yamato, he also had strong feelings against ANBU. It was hard to suggest someone, anyone, just go back to that organization without something keeping them here, in the village. He would get lost...more than he had already.

"I do not want you to let go of your friendship and close bond--I would never ask that. But I am hopeful that your bond never again puts either of you into a position to aid each other through something so dangerous. That is not what friendship means." Perhaps, had Yamato spent less time in ANBU's darkness, he could remember that. Or know it. Gai was unsure how much time Yamato actually spent outside of ANBU at all. ANBU seemed to twist one's perceptions of bonds, or of solutions to emotional issues, and Gai was hopeful Neji never went that deep into it. His young Hyuuga had a good head on his shoulders, and, perhaps more importantly, a strong will. He would be grounded. Hopefully. "I know what it is like to be willing to do anything for Kakashi, I do. But there are better ways to help him. And if you cherish Kakashi as much as I see you do, I know you will find a way."

He gave an encouraging thumbs up. Yamato needed it. Gai needed it, too.

[mokutonno]

"There was a time when all we did was aid each other through dangerous times or impossible situations..old habits die hard, I guess, or perhaps I was wrong.."

Gai seemed so certain of what friendship meant and his assessment cracked fissures in the what Yamato had been holding onto. Was everything of his relationship with Kakashi, just about ANBU? A tie of convenience for the older Jounin, or just the indulgence of a sheltered, eager boy?

Their career was fresh in his mind then; nigh on seven years of their lives, spent in both survival and routine, serving one of the best records to date of any paired agents. Had the quiet moments in between, the conversations and closeness, meant less for it?

His mind shied away from what that could mean, of what it meant if Gai was right.
Doubt wasn't an emotion that Yamato liked to entertain often, but right now it swirled, ugly and thick around memories that had been his fondest and he disliked everything about it.

None of this passed across his face, however and only someone who knew him well would pick up on the strain in his voice or the tension around the smile he flashed in return, lifting his head as if roused from consideration of Gai's words.

"Ah, but accidentally killing each other is definitely off the agenda from now on." Yamato rubbed self consciously at his neck, suppressing a wry chuckle "Thank you for being honest, Gai-san.. I don't exactly have all that much to offer Kakashi-senpai anymore, but as you say, there's bound to be something better."

Better than interactions and routines that were five years out of date and made redundant in light of the ties that Kakashi already had, whatever it was, Gai was right, he'd find it.