[closed]

[morningpeacock]

Who: Gai and Obito
When: 26th of October
Where: Konoha, Gai's apartment
What: After the debrief, Obito comes to talk to Gai.



Gai had headed out after that debriefing to train, spending the entire day in the training fields until he dragged himself home for dinner and a shower. There was nothing in the mission that had been all that taxing physically, but he was exhausted emotionally and a good training session with plenty of self-challenges had always helped with mental and emotional clarity, or at the very least, distraction.

He just wished Lee hadn't been away on a mission. He needed someone to talk to, someone to smile at him today. Not even the girl at the take-out place had.

A shower later and he was seated at his dining table, eating the takeout with one hand and lifting a dumbbell with the other. He had to train harder. By itself, the dumbbell wasn't a significant challenge, but he could certainly use some work with the chopsticks in his less-dominant hand. Coordination, multitasking, dexterity. Every skill was worth pushing further.

Comments

[thebestuchiha]

He came to Gai's door, peering at it for a long moment before resting one hand on the wood, considering. He could knock, but he decided, finally, not to, and invited himself into the apartment, closing the door behind him. "You awake Gai?"

[morningpeacock]

He hadn't been expecting a visit, though it made sense. They got off much too easy in the debrief. The dumbbell fell to the floor with a thud. It made a dent and he stepped over it as he moved to greet Obito.

"Of course I am! ...Is this official business or personal?"

[thebestuchiha]

"I think you'd like it better if I didn't make it personal just yet." He said this almost gently, and stepped further into the room, moving over to peer into his face for a moment. "Where shall we talk?"

[morningpeacock]

That was ominous. He took a deep breath, breaking eye-contact with Obito as he gestured to his living room, which had seen too many such talks as of late. "Right this way, Hokage-sama."

[thebestuchiha]

He nodded and moved that way, settling himself on the couch and looking at Gai, examining him. "You understand that of everyone who was involved, it's you I was most displeased with, correct?"

[morningpeacock]

He nodded and took a seat. Sure, Gai knew that, but it hurt to hear. He had wanted to help; instead, he had disappointed one of his most precious people. "Yes, sir."

[thebestuchiha]

"Do you know why?" He was watching him, very intent on the shifts of his expressions as he laced his fingers together.

[morningpeacock]

He bit his lip and slowly drew in and let out a breath before putting into his own words what he felt was said in the debrief. "Because I should have just gone to you and not gotten myself involved? I overstepped my bounds?"

[thebestuchiha]

"Yes and no. I expected better of you, true, but you put yourself in unnecessary danger. What if that had been a high infiltration mission that needed total silence and high adeptness at the language? None of this is taking into account that your personal attachment to Kakashi would have shifted his mindset. As it is, he's too far village side to be able to afford that if he's going to be in that situation in the first place."

[morningpeacock]

"Unnecessary danger? I am more than capable! I can be totally silent, and if it was that kind of mission, they would have stopped me! And personal attachments shifting mindsets? I suggest you first talk to Yamato, who started this whole thing by getting into a fight with Kakashi and then inviting him, unsanctioned, onto an ANBU mission! He put my student and my Rival at risk because his affection for Kakashi colors his professional choices!"

[thebestuchiha]

"Kakashi is still a fully trained and capable ANBU-retiree Gai. You aren't." He met his eyes, and it was clear he was furious, though his entire frame was relaxed, at ease. Even his tone was rather mellow. "You are capable. You are strong. You put yourself in a position where you could have left yourself emotionally compromised because you are not trained to ANBU language nor are you prepared for what such a life entails. That kind of place is not one you should be, and I hope you're aware I consider you even wanting such missions a waste."

[morningpeacock]

"Why is it such a 'waste' for me to be there when it is so crucial for them?" His eyes narrowed. "Kakashi clearly thinks himself better for being in ANBU. You know what he said to me? He said in the village he was 'just another jounin,' like the years in ANBU had been a 'mistake!' Well. THEY WERE! Kakashi does not belong there! That is a waste." The distaste on his face was evident, and though he had great respect for the ninja he knew in ANBU, he had no love for the institution. Neji, Kakashi...even Yamato were better elsewhere. He shook his head, a determined set to his jaw as he fumed. "Being a Jounin used to mean something to people."

[thebestuchiha]

He peered at Gai for a moment, then shook his head. "It's very strange to see you being so insecure Gai. You don't understand what I'm saying at all."

He leaned forward, unlacing his hands and putting them on either side of himself to support the motion.

"Kakashi is not ANBU. I understood exactly what they were doing and why they were doing it. This way Kakashi has no need to focus on that when he can find a purpose out here. Kakashi has always been someone who wants to sacrifice, and I don't understand how you can miss that at all. Out here... he's been searching for security he doesn't think he has. He can look at you and see you had students, he can look at me and see I'm Hokage, he can look at Rin and see she had built an entire hospital from the ground up. Sensei isn't a Hokage anymore, but he's still a legendary man, Kushina-nee is a mother and a leader. Is it any wonder he feels like he's no longer unique in this village? The people around him all have visible legacies, and he doesn't."

Then he leaned back, spreading his hands. "Being ANBU might not be a legacy, but that's the point. Being out here is a different world than in there."

[morningpeacock]

"No, I do not understand. I do not see why Eternal Rival cannot be enough of a unique legacy for him. It is visible! It is meant to last forever! It is precious! Important!" He kneaded a throw pillow in his hands before tossing it aside.

"And I know he wants to sacrifice--I know he sees that appeal in ANBU, but... He has sacrificed enough already, and he is not trying to find a purpose out here! He ran back to ANBU. How do you know he will not run back there again? How do we make him feel secure when he will not even let himself feel secure?" We, he said, but he really meant himself. It was frustrating to realize that Obito and Yamato were both able to change Kakashi, but Gai felt like he was trying to move a mountain.

[thebestuchiha]

"Kakashi was checking on the closest thing he had to a legacy Gai." He gave him a stern look, Hokage through ad through for a moment. The weight of his disappointment was heavy. "He wasn't running back to ANBU, and you're letting your personal affection blind you when you're usually so clearsighted. He's not the boy he once was and you of all people should be able to see that."

He took a beat to gather his composure and calm his displeasure.

"Being your rival won't be there if something happens to him. That's not a legacy, that's a gift. Don't confuse the two."

[morningpeacock]

A gift? A gift didn't sound nearly as special. Their Rivalry was more than that. It was something, in Gai's mind, that would outlive both of them. It would be something people would talk about, even if only to call them a bit crazy. It was something he could inspire in Neji and Lee, and maybe in others, if Kakashi was ever so inclined to have students of his own. Rivalry would be what Gai and Kakashi would have when the ninja world was done with them. Even if it wasn't a legacy, it was ...everything.

"I can see that he has changed, I can," he insisted. It wasn't like he saw all that much of Kakashi. They had been busy these five years, and before that was ANBU, but he could see changes. "But I am tried of being left behind and doing nothing about it."

[thebestuchiha]

He gave a very slow blink at that, staring at Gai for a long moment in silence. "Gai, I'm pretty sure Kakashi is the one feeling left behind for once."

He shook his head then, going totally serious. "I really can't let you keep belittling ANBU."

[morningpeacock]

Maybe so, but that didn't make Gai's feelings invalid either. Maybe they just both needed to find their place again.

As for ANBU, Gai very determinedly bit his tongue on the subject. "Of course, Hokage-sama. I have no reason to discuss ANBU."

[thebestuchiha]

"Are you even aware of the insult you give everyone in it past and present in your view?" It was a murmur, low and stern.

[morningpeacock]

"I admire the people. I do not admire the organization. What a ninja does is already covert. But the nature of ANBU is...difficult. And the things it inspires in and asks of its people is worrisome. I understand its purpose for you and your need to defend it, but I do not like it."

[thebestuchiha]

"Like I told you in the office Gai. That mask could not make you ANBU. ANBU is creating oneself, without expectation of anything but to be ANBU, to be the protectors and whatever else the village needs so that others don't need to be dirtied by it. Do you understand?"

[morningpeacock]

"I understand, but I do not think they all 'created themselves.' Neji may have made a choice, but do you think they all have? Because I think the village created Kakashi to be an ANBU. The village, and its requirements of him during the war and its expectations of him. I do not know Yamato's story, but I think he is too far in and indoctrinated to know anything else. I think they do it because they know nothing else and so it is therefore their 'choice' to go with what they have been created to do."

[thebestuchiha]

"No Gai." His tone was stern, and he gave him a hard look, clearly displeased. "You do not understand how one becomes ANBU at all. A person can't get into ANBU without taking the steps that lead them to becoming one. Don't cast aspirations on something just because you don't understand it. You won't understand it, and that's why you don't belong there. That doesn't mean you have any cause to insult good people just because it's outside your worldview."

[morningpeacock]

And there was the rift, the one that had kept him locked out of part of Kakashi's life was now closing a door between him and Obito. And it hurt. He wouldn't understand, he couldn't understand, and he would never fit in. No one would talk to him about it, and so he would never, could never, even try. Being part of the mission hardly could have done much when the whole situation was problematic to begin with.

"I spoke out of turn. I understand. Please send them my apologies."

[thebestuchiha]

"You can apologize yourself. To Yamato especially. He's the most adamant defender of ANBU you will ever find, and spitting on ANBU to him is like you've personally insulted him and everything he believes in." He let out a soft sigh. "He's one of my most important subordinates."

He shook his head once. "And more personally, he's part of a rather small circle of friends I've got. Though he'd fight down anyone knowing that given how seriously he takes security."