sunshineverse | [Closed] I'd swim across Lake Michigan..

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[Closed] I'd swim across Lake Michigan..

Who: Kakashi & Yamato.

When: Oct 30.

Where: The main streets of Konoha, dinnertime-ish.

If someone had told Kakashi previous to his punishment that he'd actually find merit in looking after a troupe of genin for two weeks, he'd probably still be laughing now. But as it turned out no-one had warned him, and here he was standing before a small bell on a red cord being jingled in his direction. His expression was one of pride for sure. Instead of sharing the quickly put-together bento boxes he'd prepared for the threat of starvation, Kakashi allowed himself to be a little more indulgent to his new but temporary wards, and led them into the village proper to treat them.

He wasn't, however, going to patronize or punish them with his company and so armed them with a recommendation and a menial sum to help them along and sent them on their way to rendezvous later. It was on their parting that Kakashi passed a string of newly formed structures and a small gathering of village officials, and immediately he knew he was headed the right way. A few stragglers led him in the direction of the houses culprit - a single man standing at a funny angle, red in the face, gripping his chest and wheezing with the effort it took to make row after row of civilian housing with little to no respite time. Out of all of them, he supposed, Yamato had the worst punishment as it was the only thing that would truly wear him out, at least if the way his breaths came in heaves was anything to go by.

The sun was high and warm, and Kakashi guessed it to be about midday, so he shouldered himself through the crowd and took Yamato by the elbow with little to no explanation other than a quick, "I'll take him for a recharge, you can manage here by yourself for a half hour, can't you?" to the nearest shinobi before dragging the man in question away.

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Yamato stumbled after him, too light headed to argue, but quietly relieved to be leaving the empty stretch of village, still awaiting houses.

He'd barely been at this a few days and exhaustion was already creeping in. Completing every maintenance report he was handed, had quickly become a mark of personal pride and his usually controlled competitive nature, couldn't help but rise to the vindictive cheer Obito met him with each morning when he reported in.

Actual buildings still cut the energy right out of him though and several at once was pushing it this early in the day, so Kakashi's sudden appearance was a blessing in disguise.

"Wha- Where are we going, Senpai?" The honorific was a mark of his fatigue and he scrubbed his face free of sweat with his free hand, feeling overly warm despite the onset of winters chill.

When the moniker reached his ears Kakashi was quietly surprised to find that he actually enjoyed hearing it; in fact it made his mouth twitch in what was unmistakably a smile as he continued to tug Yamato gently toward the nearest restaurant building, which just so happened to host a menu of excellent and very hearty energy boosting bento boxes. Kakashi had been here quite a few times after his numerous close calls with chakra depletion, and thought that the experience certainly might do Yamato some good now.

He didn't answer the question, as pretty soon Kakashi was lumbering Yamato through the door to deposit him in the nearest seat available.

In moments that seemed to flicker by like leaves in a strong breeze, Kakashi had ordered a list of items, and once the server had left, he leant his elbow on the table to prop up his chin.

"How has your day been, Tenzou?"

Yamato watched on in a daze; grateful to be finally sitting down, but more than a little confused as to what just happened and how they got here so quickly.
His sense of space had obviously left with the rest of his energy and he finally shook his head, shooting Kakashi a bleary look and propping himself up wearily on both elbows.

"Exhausting. Yours?"

The older Shinobi was clearly in a good mood and Yamato couldn't help the spark of envy that flared to life in him at their punishments being clearly biased.

Edited 2015-01-04 22:53 (UTC)

"Much of the same," Kakashi said after a long, contemplative sigh. "The team I'm looking after succeeded in the bell challenge this morning, but not before running me ragged around the training field. I thought they were a lost cause, but given a little direction and enough of a chance, they really pulled through.."

That was probably the most Kakashi had said to Yamato for some time, and he was pleasantly surprised to find the words coming easy and free, to find he honestly wanted to input into a proper conversation instead of idle chat based on inference and ambiguity.

Even fatigued, Yamato couldn't help but notice the subtle play of emotions across Kakashi's face and the through the tone of his voice. Yes, the man sounded tired, but there was a fondness there that he hadn't heard in a very long time and it was being directed at students no less. It was enough to get Yamato's full attention and his harried, vacant look, turned into a suspiciously warm smile.

"If I didn't know better, Kakashi-senpai, I'd be inclined to think that you're enjoying playing Sensei. That doesn't sound much like a punishment.."

Whatever Obito had been thinking, had clearly backfired or something had truly changed, either way, Yamato begrudgingly set aside his envy and indulged Kakashi's lucky break with the required amount of teasing.

Kakashi smirked, the only tell being a twitch of his mask that would have gone amiss had he not been in the company of someone who knew him very well indeed.

"You forget that I've been playing sensei for a lot longer than this punishment has been in place," he replied, engaging the conversation and hopefully encouraging more of that warmth onto Yamato's face. "I've been a stand-in more times than I can count... I just never felt like making that big of an impression on them, after all they were never my students.. but these three proved themselves."

He gave a small shrug. "It's hardly punishment even without my prior experience, we both know that."

Yamato snorted, giving Kakashi a fond, if put upon look.
"Some people have all the luck.."

Something about the way the other man spoke about the team though, gave him an idea.
"You sound happy in the roll though.. Maybe it'd be worth putting your name down for the next round of genin?"

It was a suggestion that he would never have dreamed putting forward before, especially after knowing the full extent of Obito's omission, but now that Kakashi knew? That he'd seen what his teachings could do when put to good use?

Maybe it was worth testing the water now, especially if meant the next generation of shinobi could benefit from those same lessons.

Kakashi was honestly surprised by that suggestion, the thought having honestly never even crossed his mind. Prior to this he had dodged and avoided all the attempts Obito had made to tie him to a team of genin - Kakashi's excuse always being down to the team themselves rather than his own hangups regarding his own worth as a sensei - but now that his teaching had been reassured and confirmed as something good and now that he'd seen the fruits of that teaching with his own eyes.. it didn't seem like such an awful thing after all.

It was fitting, he supposed, that Yamato would be the one to help him find his place in the village like this, since it was Kakashi who had encouraged Yamato to do the same thing by helping him find a new name. Kakashi had needed something to make his mark, and what better way to do that than train a team? Yamato was a lot sharper than he looked, Kakashi thought with a small smile.

"...You could be onto something there," he mused thoughtfully, leaning his chin on his hand as he gave Yamato a long look. "You think I'm cut out for that?"

A thread of excitement thrilled through him at the easy acceptance of the idea and Yamato couldn't help the soft smile that stretched his mouth.

"Well my opinion is a little biased, but I've always thought you were an excellent teacher, Senpai."
The honorific carried a little less weight now than it used to, said teasingly around the quirk of his lips, but Yamato meant every word.

He shifted a little in his seat, leaning a little more on his elbows and dropping his gaze to the table, contemplating the wood grain and idly wondering about the time until their food, before airily adding "..Of course, any team you lead will have to get used to your quirks and invite you at least an hour early to anything, including meetings, oh! and they'll have to get used to the lions share of paper work, but I'm sure they will love you all the same.."

For a moment there Kakashi had thought that Yamato was buttering him up, inflating his ever swelling ego with some sweet compliments about his efforts as a senpai and a teacher... and then Yamato ruined it. Kakashi's face fell to a less than impressed expression. He knew full well that everything Yamato was saying was the truth - that he did need at least a few hours before a meeting time to actually make it, that he was a slave driver and a stubborn one at that, but regardless he inhaled a quick breath, ready to chew Tenzou out with a scold for being so rude to his poor senpai.. but again, he was stopped in his tracks.

"Love me, hm?" he mumbled as he settled back to tap at his chin in thought. He hadn't ever entertained the thought that students might come to feel that strongly about him, probably because all of his students in the past had been ANBU recruits..

"Is that what I should aim for with all my students, Tenzou?" He asked, an undisguised lilt of tease in his voice.

His mind caught up with his mouth at about the same time Kakashi did and the blush flared instantly across his cheeks.

"I wasn't- I mean I didn't- Not like that."

God help him, he felt 14 and completely awkward again and Kakashi just had to catch on the way he always did. He was too tired and hungry for this type of bullying and Yamato hid his face with both hands, attempting to avoid the humiliation of existing.

"Not even going to indulge poor Senpai, hm?" he cooed, pressing his hand against his chest in his best faux offended tone, but his taunting was cut short as their server arrived with a pot of green tea, two cups and two very large bento boxes with what looked like every topping and addition on them.

Kakashi poured Yamato a cup before he could make a move, and once that was done he moved back to snap his chopsticks apart and slip down his mask to start eating.

"All jokes aside," Kakashi began again once his mask was back up and he was chewing away on the first slice of his tuna. He kept his eyes downcast as he spoke, but it was clear he was speaking honestly from the way his voice had almost dropped to a whisper. "You are the student I value the most.. in more ways than just being your mentor and your senpai.. You're a friend to me, a very close one, and I appreciate the time and effort you've spent on me."

Edited 2015-01-09 01:07 (UTC)

The arrival of food was enough of a distraction, but the flush was still high on his cheeks as he reached for his own chopsticks and only got worse as Kakashi spoke again.
This time the blush was a little more honest, brought on by a pang of something, some emotion that reminded him of being young and still desperate for Kakashi's approval. Compliments or soft words were few and far between; hard won and dearly sort moments that made his chest bubble with warmth and his belly squirm excitedly.

He felt ridiculous, almost angry at still reacting like this, having hoped that five years was enough to dull any giddy hopes he still had but no, there they were all laid out and fit to embarrass him further.

A month ago, he wouldn't have cared, would have reveled in the indulgence of praise, but after that mission, their final one together, the words just made him ache.
They were friends yes, something he hoped would always be the case, but that didn't change the fact that his usefulness in Kakashi's life, that any priority he might have had, was all but spent.
That the man was finally admitting the importance of the space between them and that he had sought Yamato out at all, was currently completely lost on his fatigued and despairing mind.

He took heed of the colour in Yamato's cheeks, but there wasn't the slightest trace of a frown or dip of his eyebrows, so Kakashi thought it safe to continue as he knew he must. Things had been on edge between him and Yamato since his return, and though Kakashi had done his level best to ignore the telling signs that all was not as it had once been, the proof was looming and imminent. He'd wanted to make Yamato feel at home in the village, but by doing so he'd never intended to make Yamato think that his place in Kakashi's life had been filled.

"You are the only person who understands who I was in ANBU, and who I am today because of that time. You understand what hides inside a person who experiences what we experienced, and you don't judge me for it, or pity me for it. I value that very much.."

Kakashi paused, then finally set his chopsticks aside to look Yamato in the face without any distractions.

"You are someone I can trust, someone who I can count on. You are capable and powerful, and you function just fine without me." He laughed a little then, sounding almost embarrassed. "Honestly, you have no idea how important it is to me that you have grown into yourself.. I'm not saying I disliked being your senpai, but... you've come a long way from the timid kouhai you were. You've grown, and you've done it without me and... I'm proud of you."

Eating was the furthest thing from his mind and he set his chopsticks aside, but still struggled to meet Kakashi's earnest gaze.

Every word that filtered through had his mind in a spiral and each one added to the spin. He felt dizzy and overwhelmed and completely not ready for so much praise all at once, let alone the warm lilt of Kakashi's voice when he spoke about pride, in him no less.

How could he respond? It was everything his younger self had craved, everything he'd fought so very hard for, to have done right by his former Captain and to be considered an equal in the older Shinobi's eyes..so why did each word hurt to hear?

To his shame, Yamato felt himself blinking back tears and he finally looked up, regarding Kakashi with a deeply lost look as he struggled for words.

"Kakashi, I- T-thank you.."

He trailed off, wanting to ask where this had come from, why now, why not when he'd needed it, when it had felt like the world had fallen apart? But deep down, he knew that was unfair. Kakashi had been devastated and omission had kept him that way for longer than anyone deserved. Yamato should be grateful to have this now, to finally know for sure..So why was it so hard to feel the flattery and warmth he knew the words should be drowning him in?

Kakashi shook his head, raising a hand as if to bar the apology from settling. He dipped his head again, chopsticks gathering up grains of rice ready to relay to Kakashi's mouth, but he dawdled for a moment in thought.

"I should have let you know how important you are to me long before now," Kakashi said finally, keeping his tone conversational and his eyes averted as not to make Yamato uncomfortable. "I know that. I should be treating a lot of people better than I have been, but you in particular. I'm sorry for that."

He stabbed a piece of cucumber with the end of his chopstick, absently. "And I'm sorry that Gai gave you such a hard time over our fight. I should have given you both a little more light on the situation."

The mention of Gai made him want to scoff, but his throat was too closed off to follow through with the noise.
He swallowed thickly, chasing after that thread of irritation in a desperate attempt to pull himself together, to actually have this talk and almost wanted to damn Kakashi to several low levels of hell for catching him weak and in public no less.

"Gai-san disapproved of our ways of coping in ANBU, he disapproved of my attitude towards you in general I think.."

Yamato was Kakashi's past, was the part of him that so many of the Jounin's friends reviled and resented but now that it was being put the rest, even with Kakashi's confirmations, he still felt completely adrift.

Gai had said to find another way to help Kakashi and he'd done so; the missions was all he had left to offer and other than show exactly the lengths he was willing to go for the Jounin, it had by all accounts worked. Now what use was he?

Maybe this was why the praise turned his stomach..he honestly had no idea what to do with it. Friendship was standing by one another, being there and keeping trust and that he could do, would always be there, no matter what, but compared to what they'd been in ANBU, the bond he felt then, everything else just seemed..lacking.

Maybe he was just greedy for too much..

A smile touched his mouth, small and self-deprecating and paired with a weak shrug.

"He said that I should handle you better. I just..don't know what I can offer you anymore, senpai.."

"Gai.. is difficult..." Kakashi began, his eye pointedly avoiding Yamato's face so he didn't have to look at the self-depreciating little smile that he wanted to smack off Yamato's lips. It didn't belong there. "He's stubborn, like me, and he's also my oldest friend. He was there before anyone else was, and he pulled me out of a rut I didn't let anyone else into. Without Gai's efforts, I wouldn't have let you in, Tenzou."

The name was barely an accident now, because it felt to Kakashi just like he was talking to his kouhai as if their relationship had never changed. Kakashi still felt those threads of closeness as if it had only been yesterday, and it hurt to think that Yamato didn't... But he understood.

"But he wasn't in the right with what he said. Our rivalry is something completely seperate to the friendship you and I have, and I treasure that. Gai is worried his toes are getting stepped on, but that's never been the case.. You were my only contact in ANBU, the only person I talked to about who I was while I was your Captain.. That's one section of my life that doesn't include Gai, and whether he feels threatened by that or otherwise remains to be seen, but you are a very dear friend to me."

Kakashi couldn't stress that enough, and all he wanted was for Yamato to believe him.

"I don't want to see either of you at each others throats over this, so I'll let you make your decision by yourself. I'm here to be your friend, but I won't force you if being close to me, or to Gai, leaves you feeling lost."

Yamato's gaze flickered away, reaching for his chopsticks again but only to anxiously fiddle with the two stems.

"You're not forcing me, Kakashi.. I just didn't know where I could stand with you without being seen as an interloper. I tried to assure Gai-san that it wasn't the case either, but I don't think he wanted to believe me.."

His lips pressed into a frown "He'll likely never forgive me for taking you on that mission either, it's a wonder that he hasn't petitioned for my demotion already."

He shot Kakashi a hopeless look, but there was some humour there and some amount of hope, brought on by the Jounin's reassurance. Hearing that Kakashi didn't agree with Gai's assessment, went a long way to easing the distress he'd been feeling and to know that some part of his former captain would always be his settled, strange and comforting, into his bones.

The creeping sense of dread that he'd had, that tying up the past was somehow cutting him out of the future, ebbed a little more and he felt somewhat foolish for taking Kakashi's gestures in the manner he had, unwittingly extending his own distress.
(A mask and sword, still set aside sprung to mind, but he brush the thought aside, that he could deal with later, when he was ready to.)

It by no means left either of them blameless for the lack of communication, but it was progress.

"..And I'm relieved to hear you say that, Senpai. I.. was beginning to think that I'd imagined most of our time in ANBU."

There was a shy smile to his words, the nostalgia of his thoughts and the lilt of his old name from Kakashi's mouth, warming him and untangling a little of the knot in his chest.
Maybe he could do this again, just this once. It was so hard to not trust the older shinobi after all..

Kakashi leant his elbow on the table, a hand coming to cover his already hidden mouth as he looked at Yamato.

"I think you need to talk to Gai. Maybe give him a little time, then test the water.. The both of you don't understand each other well enough to fix the mess you've found yourself in, but.. I think if you both talk, and you both listen, you might get somewhere."

He wasn't blaming either of them, and wasn't taking a side, but as far as grudges went, Gai definitely wasn't the type, and Yamato was such a fair player that it was easy to see how much he wanted to be on a level field with Kakashi's closest friend. Kakashi hadn't talked to Gai about it in detail, but he was sure Gai wouldn't enjoy the animosity either.

As for himself...

"I'm here now, Tenzou. I won't disappear again."

Yamato too a breath and finally took up his chopsticks properly, hands finally steady enough to eat. Okay, he could do this, on both counts though..

"Alright, but I'm not making any promises where Gai-san is concerned, we'll just have to see what happens.." As for that last part..

Yamato's gaze flickered up to meet Kakashi's for a moment, then away as he picked out one of the neat rolls from his bento "..And I think I'm beginning to get that.."
There was a smile on his lips then, tentative and small, but genuine and it persisted even after his mouthful of sushi.

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[Closed] I'd swim across Lake Michigan..

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