[Closed] You see I struggle to sleep at night, but it's fine..

[mokutonno]

Who: Yamato, Kakashi (Obito and Neji)

When: February 1st onwards.

Where: Konohagakure (Yamato’s apartment and various)

What: The incident in Kiri involving the Hoshigaki holdings, stirs up old memories, worse dreams and Yamato struggles to cope.

 

Comments

[mokutonno]

Home.

Never had Yamato craved the solitude of his tiny apartment more, than the return trip from Kirigakure. He’d dodged and brushed off various attempts to discuss why he had frozen up at the Hoshigaki lake, waving it off as no more than a desire to keep an eye on their exit, despite the panicked signs he had flashed Neji when they had split up.

He could feel the concern radiating from both his companions, his friends, since then but the words were not forthcoming and Yamato had no desire to dredge up old demons any more than the glass and water construct already had. So he smiled, did his duty and peeled away from them as soon as Obito saw fit to dismiss them and cycle through to the next guard rotation.

His descent to his front door lacked his usual grace and Yamato landed, flat footed, catching himself against the dark, wooden surface, before shouldering his way inside and with an audible click, locked the door behind him.

The forced calm he’d been gripping to, crumbled almost immediately and he paced unsteadily into his living space, only to tense up at the presence of a figure on his couch.

Apparently the outside wasn't about to be locked out and Yamato regarded Kakashi with a lost look, body language telegraphing all the wrong messages and torn between relief and revulsion at the idea of keeping any sort of company.

[scarecrowboy]

"Evening," Kakashi greeted, not even looking up from his book for a moment when Yamato entered. "Good to see you home safe."

Kakashi had made himself very comfortable in the midst of Yamato's living space; he'd shedded his flak to lie it across the back of the armchair, and his headband and gloves were nowhere to be seen. His bare feet were propped up on the table, legs crossed at the ankles which were free of their usual wrappings... He looked entirely content, almost as though Yamato had wandered into the wrong house (but since Kakashi lived in an entirely different portion of Konoha there was no mistaking that Kakashi had broken and entered, and was now perusing a few books from Yamato's shelf, if the small pile on the table by his feet was anything to go by).

He might have looked happy enough, but he didn't feel it. Out of his peripheral he could see Yamato's frame at in it's strange condition, and didn't need to look up to double check as he could also smell it; could smell the fear and the quietly brimming unease, like a need to throw up.

[mokutonno]

Yamato was tense, muscles held taught by the preternatural stillness of someone willing their body to move or do anything other than it's current state. Kakashi had clearly made himself at home and on any other day, Yamato would be touched; coming home to an apartment that wasn't empty, was an extremely rare occurrence and one that warmed him, and made continuing to hold himself together, almost impossible.

"Good evening, Kakashi-senpai.. Did you need something?"

He fell back on routine. This scene had played out before, many times in fact, but back at HQ and it was easier to fall into the script, uttering words he'd said 100 times before, than to think and consider anything else.

His uniform chaffed, grimy with use and Yamato desperately wanted to change or maybe head back out immediately, choose an assignment from the bingo-book and disappear behind his mask for good. Gloved hands flexed in response to the thought, but he held fast.

Thoughts like that were a good way to get himself killed.

[scarecrowboy]

"Nope," Kakashi shrugged, rubbing two bare fingers together and then pressing them to the page of the book in his hands, turning it with an idle, practised ease. "I was waiting for take-out and thought I'd come check on your plants while I wait..." An obvious lie, but said with such casual simplicity and sincerity that it's lack of truth became dubious.

He might as well have been talking to Tenzou in the walls of the ANBU barracks. The conversation was so mechanical, and the words so reminiscent of their younger days, that for a moment Kakashi had to wonder if Yamato got like this after every ANBU mission, or if his suspicion was correct and something had happened.

[mokutonno]

His gaze flickered away and down, dark eyes glazing and clearing in turns as Yamato fought with the various needs his body and subconscious where making apparent. He could trust Kakashi, could trust him with this, but was he prepared to burden anyone with how much he'd been affected?

It burnt, hot and molten under his ribs; shame, frustration and the sickness of fear, robbing him of thought and speech enough to stand mute just past the threshold of his home.

Yamato couldn't stand it, biting hard on the inside of his cheek in an effort to respond; the words coming out even but suspiciously bereft of his usual inflections.

"Mission successful, as were the exams and the Hokage managed to fit in a tour of the local clan holdings.." It was small talk, but easier than tripping over exactly what had happened immediately.

[scarecrowboy]

It almost made Kakashi wince to hear Yamato speaking so curtly, but he tucked the reaction away and instead looked up at the younger man with a gentle expression - content, with mild interest, not a fleck of pity or concern in sight.

"Good," Kakashi nodded. "But you look a mess. Go shower and clean up, alright? You'll feel better." Kakashi wasn't being mean, Yamato did look a mess, but luckily the comment would pass for the man's uniform and dirty skin rather than the haunted expression on his face.

[mokutonno]

Yamato nodded vaguely at the suggestion, hearing but not comprehending and after a long beat, finally replied.

"I will, I mean-"

He took a shuddering breath.

"D-did you know that the Hoshigaki clan holdings are on a lake? They have a shark fin structure, right out on the water.." He still couldn't meet Kakashi's gaze, but forged on, regarding the middle distance with a furrowed brow and words spilling out in a rush "..There's not path or bridge though, j-just a tunnel, clear glass under water, right under the lake!"

The burst of nervous laughter was strangled by the sudden wave of anxiety that hit him, just picturing the under water walkway, summoning up fears that he had hoped were long buried.

Yamato finally met Kakashi's eyes though, desperate for the other man to understand the meaning behind his words, praying that his keen mind would connect the dots without Yamato having to bare is soul. Heavens help him, but he didn't think he even could.

[thebestuchiha]

He'd given him a solid day after they'd gotten back, even though the various brush-offs had had him practically biting his tongue off after he'd rejoined the man outside the Hoshigaki holdings. He knew that prying never got him anywhere with Tenzou, and he refused to turn it into an order and make the man more brittle and distanced while they were away from home and his guard would be up.

That didn't make patience less difficult though, and while he'd given the man a full night and day, that didn't stop him from tracking him down at the first inkling of the man training outside after that time, completely intent on having a talk.

But. Patience. He could patience.

This he made his way into the field, watching him move and taking in the lessened tension in the man. He was pretty sure that wouldn't stay like that but... but he needed to know. He couldn't afford to not know.

"Hey, got a minute?"

[mokutonno]

Even with Kakashi there, his sleeping hours had been restless; a majority of the night spent sweat soaked and gasping, anchored only by the Jounin's palm between his shoulders as he let the terrors take their course.

Dawn had been a syrup slow respite and Yamato had departed for the training grounds as soon as his morning routine allowed, stripping off his flak and attacking the set of wooden training posts with a ferocity he reserved for full on combat. The steadily developing bruises helped though; worked away the frustration and helplessness in flurries that he could direct and control, unlike his emotions..

Obito's appearance had been expected, but not eagerly anticipated, though the casual greeting meant that this at least wasn't an official confrontation...yet.

A high guard, low block and flurry of switches later, Yamato finally panted a reply.

"Depends on what you need."

Try as he might, he couldn't keep the ire from his voice. Oh he wasn't looking forward to this at all.

[thebestuchiha]

"I need to know how to keep you untraumatized and happy, but barring that, not biting my head off would be excellent." It was a murmur, just a little wry as he stayed firmly where he was, letting the other man have time to take in his words without feeling crowded.

[mokutonno]

"Traumatized, who said anything about being traumatized?"

A particularly vicious palm strike tore through one of the posts arms and the swiftly following round house completed the combo, shattering the already beaten wood to splinters under the force.

Yamato didn't waste any time creating another; clasping his hands and forming a duplicate, reinforced and sporting the lion's head his mokuton was known for.

The kata began again.

[thebestuchiha]

"Considering the way you look right this moment? It's obviously something big. Something you don't want to tell me, and as it touches on official need to know and I don't know, what exactly does that leave as an option?" He released a soft sigh at the end of saying that.

"Just tell me Tenzou." He paused, then dug through his pocket and sketched out a seal, showing it. "I'm gonna have a five foot bubble of silence and obscurity around me from anyone outside it after I activate this that I can see out of just fine. Do I need to turn this thing on for you to tell me?"

[mokutonno]

Just tell me..

Like it was the easiest thing in the world to completely bare his soul, to show off the ugliest shades of his past, as if he wouldn't have to relive it again through the telling. Obito had no idea what he was asking and it irked Yamato, stoked his anger and blew oxygen across the flames of his frustrations.

He funneled it into the target, feeding chakra into the wood and forcing it to repair after each blow, compounding the wood and forging it in a manner akin to steel, until it grew dark and glossy with its density.

"There's no need. We've got nothing to talk about. I miscalculated, but it won't happen again. You have my word."

[thebestuchiha]

"And that, Tenzou, is why I can't believe it's nothing." He put the scroll away, but he didn't go anywhere, leaning back on the tree behind him, alert and watchful.

He knew he was making him mad. He also had picked up pretty quickly that there was no way he probably couldn't make him mad with this. "I'll wait. Everything else can wait."

23rd February - Yamato finally seeks out Obito to collect on that cookie recipe

[mokutonno]

It had taken a few weeks, uncountable nightmares and several nerve wrecking nights alone in his bathtub to finally reach this point and it was after one such session that he found himself craving company and warmth; anything to act as a buffer between himself and sleep.

...And if Yamato was truly honest with himself, cutting off those around him was possibly the worst course of action and so he found himself here.

It was late but the lights were on; no doubt the product of another late night at the tower, of which there were becoming increasingly more and that alone made something squirm with guilt inside his stomach. Obito had a village to run, just as much as Yamato had a duty to fulfill and he couldn't let this lie between them any longer.

He tapped on the window sill, a courtesy more than a request and eased the kitchen window open, dropping soundlessly down onto the tiles and glancing around.

"Obito?"

His voice was quiet but carried in the equally still house and he followed the words down the hall in search of his wayward friend.

[thebestuchiha]

The hail was enough to garner his attention, and Obito looked toward his kitchen from where he was settled on his couch, flipping through a file he'd ended up bringing home with him.

He closed it, setting it on the table as he sat up further. "I'm in here."

[mokutonno]

Yamato appeared in the doorway to the living area, smile and body language sheepish as he waved from the doorway.

"Late night?"

He nodded towards the file on the table.

[thebestuchiha]

He He looked to the table where had put the file. "Yeah, I've had a few of those lately." He pulled his feet off the couch, turning to put them on the floor as he sat up. "You too, looks like."

[mokutonno]

The comment made Yamato wonder what he looked like; he'd been a little lax around mirrors as of late, skirting around reflective surfaces in the hopes of abating a little of what he feared, it wasn't a perfect science.
He glanced away, folding his arms and leaning against the door jam in what he hoped was a more casual display than he actually felt and shrugged a shoulder.

"Sleep's been a little harder to find recently.."

[thebestuchiha]

He jerked his head to the side of the couch he'd cleared and gave him a lopsided smile. "You gonna stay over there or what? I have a bunch of couch here."

[mokutonno]

The smile was met with a tired look; emotions torn between accepting and fleeing, even now. A part of Yamato still smarted at having Obito witness his loss of control, at having been the one to prompt it, but rest had been scarce and he was so tired of fighting off sleep..

The lure of the couch finally won out though and he sank gratefully into the soft surface, knee pulled up to wrap his arm around in a loose hold. He gestured to the file with his chin, drawing the attention away from himself in a bid for normalcy.

"Anything I should know about?"

Feb 5th?

[heavenly_earth]

He let the matter rest for a couple days, almost to the point of having apparently forgotten or thought nothing of the incident itself. And Neji was distracted by the knowledge that Temari had followed them back to Konoha- with her brothers in tow.

Neji met up with Yamato for their scheduled practice with a mind to avoid Gaara in particular, and pushed through the exercises with determination until they were both worn down enough for a break. Their usual easy, comfortable silence in place, and one he broke as delicately as possible.

"I won't ask for details, Yamato-senpai, but is there anything I should know?"

[mokutonno]

His easy baring seemed to evaporate for a moment, chased away by the question, but it was forced back almost as quickly in an attempt to at least keep a little of his dignity. Of all the people close to him, the information regarding Kiri was the most mission critical to Neji and Yamato wouldn't endanger his team mate for such a transient concept as pride.

"Water under glass, prolonged submersion, enclosed spaces.. Rare and particular circumstances I know but.. you saw the reaction they prompted."

He met Neji's pale gaze with a distant one of his own, swallowing hard at the echo's of panic that gripped him just thinking about what he needed to say.

"At the very best I'll freeze up, a few moments at most but at the worst.. I could be a liability.."

The admission sunk a weight into his stomach but the young Jounin had a right to know; they efficiency and safety as a team was at stake and Yamato refused to gamble Neji's life in such a way.

[heavenly_earth]

It was a serious matter, and he couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt for bringing it up, but it was important information if they were going to be working together. Neji listened with a quiet consideration and tipped his head back, taking in Yamato's stiff posture at a glance.

"Understood." Almost against his will, he wondered about the origins of such trauma, but that was not his place to ask.

"I'll keep it in mind should we encounter such circumstances again, and we'll work around it." Which was to say he'd undertake those circumstances himself or cover and extract Yamato if it came to it.

And because this was also trust, it only seemed right that he finally admitted his own vulnerability in turn.

White eyes slowly tracked over the training field, Byakugan flaring to life for a long, silent moment to assure their isolation. It faded again on a breath, and for a moment, Neji felt Yamato's agitation as his own.

"The Byakugan has a blind spot.." he said slowly, testing the words. He'd only had this conversation once, a few years ago with his teammates.

"It's a single point that extends from the base of the first thoracic vertebrae. In close combat, there's no need for concern, but projectiles are the reason Kaiten was invented. It still takes a particular kind of fortune to throw anything at the exact right angle that I won't ever see it, but you should be aware all the same. It's a vulnerability even some Hyuuga don't know exist."

And that was a measure of just how closely guarded of a secret it was, because they were never told that they had a blind spot to start with. Within the walls of Hyuuga, such a thing didn't exist. Neji occasionally suspected it was more pride than caution, but it did keep the knowledge from falling into the hands of the careless.

[mokutonno]

He hadn't expected to be met in kind, weakness for weakness, but he accepted it with the seriousness it deserved.

"..Thank you, Neji." It was unclear if he meant it for the information or the easy acceptance of his own vulnerability, but the sincerity in his gaze and tone were evident for both.
He sank to sit in the tall grass tension easing away a little for the sharing and for the knowledge that their conversation would remain private.

"The same for you, of course. I'll take this knowledge to my grave, but while I have it.. You won't have a blind spot."
There was a determination behind his words, shakier than usual but still hanging in there.