Sakura Haruno (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
notveryspecial) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sunshineverse2014-07-12 08:09 pm
notveryspecial) wrote in sunshineverse2014-07-12 08:09 pm
Entry tags:
Secrets are the only thing they keep [Closed]
Who: Sakura and Shisui
Where: Konoha. Shisui's place, possibly some other random place.
When: Late night on July 3rd
What: What is a shishou for but complaining about a confusing Hokage to?
She hadn't actually planned to go back out that night, as she'd expected just to have a brief conversation with Shisui about the Hokage via scroll. Ideally to settle whether it was best to dissuade the Hokage by avoiding going to the training at all, or proving to him by sparring with him what her level actually was.
And also just to see whether anyone would have understood him up until the point he explained himself clearly. She was curious about that.
It worried her that he felt the need to discuss it in person instead, and that their usual meeting place wasn't a good place for that. Optimistically, it just meant that he didn't feel the need to go there to talk. She wasn't entirely sure that was the case, however.
True to her word, though, she didn't delay leaving the house, leaving through her window rather than bother explaining herself to her dozing parents. It was only a few minutes before she'd crossed Konoha and made it to his window.
...She could have used the door, but she went out through a window, so she might as well knock on one of his.
Where: Konoha. Shisui's place, possibly some other random place.
When: Late night on July 3rd
What: What is a shishou for but complaining about a confusing Hokage to?
She hadn't actually planned to go back out that night, as she'd expected just to have a brief conversation with Shisui about the Hokage via scroll. Ideally to settle whether it was best to dissuade the Hokage by avoiding going to the training at all, or proving to him by sparring with him what her level actually was.
And also just to see whether anyone would have understood him up until the point he explained himself clearly. She was curious about that.
It worried her that he felt the need to discuss it in person instead, and that their usual meeting place wasn't a good place for that. Optimistically, it just meant that he didn't feel the need to go there to talk. She wasn't entirely sure that was the case, however.
True to her word, though, she didn't delay leaving the house, leaving through her window rather than bother explaining herself to her dozing parents. It was only a few minutes before she'd crossed Konoha and made it to his window.
...She could have used the door, but she went out through a window, so she might as well knock on one of his.
no subject
...by his reaction, he was either not listening to her at all, or he understood the Hokage better than her. Perhaps because she hadn't elaborated on the rest yet? Maybe that was why. After all, if he'd only said that she...would be confused given she'd just made a blunder as a shinobi befitting of a genin, not a jounin, but--it was more confusing than that.
"...I don't understand. He said that I thought too highly of myself and that I am like any other shinobi. If that were so, there's no reason to suggest an early promotion." She...stared at Shisui. She didn't say it exactly, but in his expression she expected him to read 'is this a trick of some sort'.
no subject
But it somehow became just a little clear as to where the confusion with Obito lay. Perhaps it wasn't Obito at all, but just Sakura. Though, admittedly, Obito could dance around the bush first before getting to a point at all. Sometimes.
He sends her a smile instead, and moves away from the chair to come sit closer to her, on the edge of the bed. There's a gesture for her to follow suit. He's patting the space next to him before leaning forward, elbows on knees. "Somehow I think it was all related to whatever happened at Ame, Sakura. He wouldn't pull something out of his ass like that and start accusing you of failings out of the blue. Tell me again. What did you not disclose to him, and why."
Perhaps he wasn't going to let the Ame situation be, after all. And he had an idea as to why Obito may have said what he'd said about informing him that this wasn't about him, but about her.
Sakura had trouble recognizing the potential she had within. And Obito was trying to help. In his own way, which was hella confusing.
But Shisui would spell it out for her, break it down and analyze every little bit if she was willing to hear it. Only, she had to tell him everything now so he could help her figure things out.
no subject
She hesitated a moment, just calculating whether the gesture was unconscious or an actual invitation. Once she decided that yes he was actually patting the bed and not smoothing out a sheet, though, she did move over to sit down. She felt like she'd been standing and scrutinized enough for one day.
She still didn't like talking about the Ame thing. Even if there wasn't a threat to her position any longer, it was still embarrassing. She settled her hands in her lap and...stared. At those. For a moment or two. She had determined she'd just tell him earlier, after all.
"You're making it out to be something more important than it was." She frowned and glanced over at him a moment, before sighing and starting to explain what happened. For the second time that day. "I was on a mission to the border of Fire and Ame, on a trecherous cliffside it was raining, so I slipped and fell. I injured my leg and was too disoriented to climb back up...so I wandered looking for a road to find my way back. Instead of a road, I encountered a stranger, who healed my injuries with...a...strange chakra technique. That stranger turned out to be the leader of Ame, who demanded my name before he would let me go."
Yeah. That still sounded terrible, even if somehow she wasn't being punished for that. "...Afterward, I found my way back to the patrol and...didn't report it. It didn't seem important enough to include. There are multiples of him wandering all over that country, after all, there's...no reason to think he'd remember one brief meeting with a random and unimportant chuunin."
That wasn't...the complete truth. That was mostly just the excuse for the truth. But that didn't really matter, since her fears weren't ultimately realized.
no subject
"Well... You'll have to tell me first before I decide if it's any less important, you know~" But he sat there, listening in silence to all she had to say. She was giving him a very condensed version of what occurred, wasn't she? He smiled, though. Especially at the last bit. "Is that all?" The expression he was giving her though-- it would be wiser to come clean completely, you know?
"A brief meeting hm? And what transpired during this meeting?" Now he understood why she'd considered the man weird. It wasn't the man's fault, really. Sakura just wasn't used to that sort of attention. This he'd-- sort of come to learn in time while working with her.
no subject
...She was, but it was only fair, given she'd already shared it once that day. And it hadn't been appreciated all that much anyway. Which it shouldn't have been, so that wasn't a complaint, she was just...making it simpler.
She gave him a blank, vaguely questioning look when he asked whether it was 'all', just because...no, that was to generic. Which part was incomplete in his opinion?
...But at least his second and third questions were more straightforward. "...As I said, he offered to heal my injured leg when I asked directions of him. After he did, using a technique I've never seen before, I realized that he must have been one of Pein. Because...of his eyes." Which he kind of revealed more than she 'realized' them. "He demanded that I give him my name before he'd let me go...and...given that the situation could have been an act of war, I told him the truth, rather than lie to him." Because she had no idea what his dojutsu could do, and she couldn't risk that. "Afterward, he let me go. It was short, there wasn't any reason for him to...chase after me in the exams or trouble the hokage about it."
no subject
But-- hm. "Was that all, though? Did you say there any longer?" Shrugging, he leaned back, bringing his arms behind him to support him on the mattress as he did so. "Mm, anyway. When did the Hokage bring up the issue of you being arrogant, then?"
no subject
She gave a quick shake of her head, before she frowned and glanced out the window, like she could look at and puzzle at the Hokage through it. "He said I believed I was better than other shinobi because I thought I could be nondescript. He implied I was too pretty for that."
Maybe she was. She thought about cutting off her hair before...
Maybe it was better to dye it and let go of the defiance she held over the way it drew attention to her as a child, and cut it short...even if it would deprive her of a shared interest with Ino if she did. It was pointless to be a shinobi if one was too recognizable.
no subject
"I'll have to agree with him that you're nowhere near nondescript, although I have to say that his implications are... well... They aren't entirely untrue. I do consider you a very attractive young woman, but not distractingly so that you should fail in what you set out to do. However, your physical attractiveness aside, I must say that you have quite a few characteristics that make you not only a good shinobi, but also a thoughtful, kind young woman. With you, however--" He sighed here, softly.
"You don't give too much credit to yourself where credit is due. I know this because..." His voice softened then as he straightened up, leaning forward again, elbows on knees. "I've seen it." He'd seen things during their training that she hid from others. And sometimes, perhaps also from herself. "And if Obito called you out on it and claimed it to be a sort of arrogance, then he isn't entirely wrong." It was gently spoken, almost a murmur; the same tone of voice he used when conversing with her soon after a particularly brutal genjutsu session with her.
He reached over, the pads of two fingers resting gently on her arm for just a moment before he pulled them away. It meant no buts and ifs, please listen to what I have to say. "It's a different sort of arrogance. One where you reject everybody else's point of view and replace it with your own false version. I wouldn't call it arrogance per se, but it pertains to it. It's a fixation, although negative, on oneself. Now I-- I know where this is coming from, and i know it's difficult to adjust to a different way of thinking. I know it feels like the hardest thing to do to let someone in and learn to trust again. Unlearning something we've made a habit of is far more difficult to accomplish than to learn something for the first time. But that's okay. I think he might have just trying to get that point across to you. ...Which is also probably why he wants you to show him what you've got when it comes to kenjutsu. And possibly try out for jounin as well. It's not that he wants you to fail, or that he believes you cannot make jounin; it's that he wants you to recognize your strengths as a capable shinobi."
He's smiling again, voice still a murmur. "And frankly, I think you're quite ready. To be jounin."
You don't see this, I just realized I broke the icon keyword 8|
As for his, or what was apparently his, she remained quiet while he spoke. Which was a different sort of quiet than she might normally have been. And perhaps, the tone of voice he used--one she was well trained on focusing on and listening to when her mind was still chaos and tatters from genjutsu she either couldn't counter or that took its toll on her even when she did--prevented her from immediately speaking up an objection that he, too, would call her arrogant. Of all things.
...It was an uncomfortable and confusing position to be in, too soft and...human for her experience and preference. Her closest friends operated with their own walls, Shino and Ino both had facades that she met or copied when she was with them. She was sure that he was using some sort of mask himself, one meant to make her listen to and believe him, but it was so strange that she...wasn't sure how to react.
Her expression was, necessarily, a softer and more open form of confusion and uncertainty than she'd normally display at someone using the sort of words he did (or the brief physical contact, that she ended up staring down at her arm for several moments afterward in an attempt to process and calculate). Ultimately, she still returned her gaze back to his in the hope of determining the appropriate response (what he wanted out of her, or what she felt was the best response to it), rather than continue to look away from him and be further confused.
Eventually, she did turn her gaze back to her hands, entirely uncertain of what would be an appropriate answer. He sounded...sincere about his belief in her ability to be a jounin. And she trusted him. She trusted him implicitly, which meant he couldn't be lying. And normally...that meant she should believe him.
He couldn't really be right, though. About the Hokage, perhaps, but...it wasn't like she was wrong about what others saw when they looked at her. In basic genjutsu lessons she knew full well he'd seen what others thought of her. It was the most natural thing to attack first, and thus an early thing that a genjutsu teacher would have seen.
To them...to her, she...wasn't. She was not all that. It wasn't a false view. That was...
It wasn't wrong. Haruno are nothing. Haruno is just a failure.
"It's not like she deserves to be here anyway."
She grit her teeth, bit her cheek, and shook her head sharply. What other people thought about her...why were the Hokage and he so determined to make her care? If she earned her way to being a shinobi on her own, then it didn't matter if anyone else agreed. Why did they think she needed to be convinced that anyone else agreed?
It didn't make sense at all.
She spoke softly, much as he did, but her voice was...really so quiet if he heard her it would only be because they sat so close to each other at the moment. "...You're not...right...."